The year is quietly winding down. When you can compartmentalize the holiday celebrations a bit and set aside some time for contemplation a lot can open up and reveal itself. I've had the gift of some days spent working and thinking, often with my hands around a cup of hot tea. The ending of one year and the beginning of another is always a good time for some introspection.
2010 was a year of great change for me and it all unfolded quite easily and effortlessly (in retrospect). I suppose it was appropriate that I also marked 50 years on the planet. That is a milestone that I haven't completely wrapped my mind around yet. When I look back on my 40's I marvel at the road I've traveled and where I've ended up. It feels quite miraculous!
So, I've been thinking today of setting the intention to be guided by three big words in 2011. These words describe values that are of prime importance to me and I believe if I evaluate what is presented to me with these words in mind it will be a fabulous year.
My Three Big Words for 2011:
1) Connection
2) Impact
3) Growth
These words will serve to guide me both personally and professionally. I can measure each possibility by asking myself if it provides one, two or all of those things. Certainly those opportunities that provide all three will be at the top of my "yes" list! I can also ask myself if it is providing those values just for me or if other people will benefit.... even better!
What are your Three Big Words for the new year?
29 December 2010
05 December 2010
How to "Follow Your Bliss" in a Thousand Really Hard Steps
A big part of effective leadership is feeling like you belong where you lead. Sometimes things in our lives change and we no longer feel like we quite fit in to a career, a community or a lifestyle anymore. Usually this happens when we've grown in some way and our outer circumstances are no longer reflecting how we see ourselves on the inside. This has recently been the case for me. After several decades on the career path I chose while in college I've made a significant change. I've moved from the advertising and marketing world to the community development and non-profit arena. For many years I truly loved the "ad biz" and thrived on fast deadlines, late night press checks, the creative competition and collaboration and all that the business entailed. But lately I knew my passion for it was fading.
About seven years ago I was accepted into a community leadership program. I hoped that I would learn a lot and looked forward to growing my leadership skills and meeting new people. I expected that it would expand my network and lead to new business opportunities for my firm. I had no idea it would set my feet on a completely new path that would eventually lead me where I am today.
All the sudden I realized I had interest in things I had never really considered like economic and community development, public policy issues, stakeholder development and such. I found ways to dip my toes into this new pool: joining a economic development committee at my local chamber, joining the chamber's board of directors and then others, agreeing to chair a major non-profit fundraiser. The idea of a new career wasn't even a possibility in those early days. I was just following my passion but I had no idea where it was all taking me.
I sought out mentors eventually and one convinced me to take a week long course in community development. Some very dear colleagues on my chamber board chipped in and provided a scholarship for me to go. At the end of that week I felt like I had found a new home.
The story of how this interest developed into a passion and then developed into a new job is one for another blog post and one I will tell because changing careers, I've learned, isn't for the faint of heart. But for now what I've learned is that you have to listen to the voice, or feeling, inside you that is leading you to something new. There isn't a single final destination but rather signposts along the way to let you know to keep walking that direction even when you can't articulate to anyone yet why you are doing what you are doing. Most of the signs aren't even big, more like postage stamps or post-it notes! But, if you truly love it you'll notice the signs, even the smallest. Yeah, this is what it means when someone says "follow your bliss"! Even when it feels confusing, awkward, unnatural, impossible, or crazy it still feels right.
About seven years ago I was accepted into a community leadership program. I hoped that I would learn a lot and looked forward to growing my leadership skills and meeting new people. I expected that it would expand my network and lead to new business opportunities for my firm. I had no idea it would set my feet on a completely new path that would eventually lead me where I am today.
All the sudden I realized I had interest in things I had never really considered like economic and community development, public policy issues, stakeholder development and such. I found ways to dip my toes into this new pool: joining a economic development committee at my local chamber, joining the chamber's board of directors and then others, agreeing to chair a major non-profit fundraiser. The idea of a new career wasn't even a possibility in those early days. I was just following my passion but I had no idea where it was all taking me.
I sought out mentors eventually and one convinced me to take a week long course in community development. Some very dear colleagues on my chamber board chipped in and provided a scholarship for me to go. At the end of that week I felt like I had found a new home.
The story of how this interest developed into a passion and then developed into a new job is one for another blog post and one I will tell because changing careers, I've learned, isn't for the faint of heart. But for now what I've learned is that you have to listen to the voice, or feeling, inside you that is leading you to something new. There isn't a single final destination but rather signposts along the way to let you know to keep walking that direction even when you can't articulate to anyone yet why you are doing what you are doing. Most of the signs aren't even big, more like postage stamps or post-it notes! But, if you truly love it you'll notice the signs, even the smallest. Yeah, this is what it means when someone says "follow your bliss"! Even when it feels confusing, awkward, unnatural, impossible, or crazy it still feels right.
12 November 2010
Do you REALLY talk the talk?
As we grow into our leadership roles we often learn, mostly from the school of hard knocks, that what we say and how we say it are both important. How often can bad execution, poor teamwork and missed opportunities be traced back to poor or imprecise use of language? Probably more than we'd like to admit.
No doubt leadership is a combination of "talking the talk" and "walking the walk" and one should be in integrity with the other. We may take a great deal of care in the words we use in a presentation, speech or meeting with the media but how often do we look carefully at the words we are using in every day conversation with our teams? Are you using words that empower or words that dismiss? Are your words closing off choice for others when that isn't what you intend to do?
Two words that are so commonly used in our culture that we rarely think of the impact they have are "want" and "need". Wanting and needing are words describing a lack of something and are not necessarily a powerful way to create what you are wanting and needing! I've gravitated towards the word "prefer" when I am communicating to others what I'd like to see happen. Prefer does leave room for the person you are speaking with to voice a different preference so if a stronger stance is what you are going for just say "Please do (fill in the blank) for me." Even better....specify when you would like this task to be accomplished by. This is clear and unambiguous.
Telling someone what you prefer is much more empowering than want or need and is less likely to put others in a defensive stance if they feel they can not or will not meet your needs. I've also found the requests "would you consider?" or "are you open to?" to be much more likely to lead to an affirmative answer because they are much less threatening ways to ask for something you prefer. They also make it much easier for someone to graciously say "not at this time" which is better than "no" or a "yes" when they really wanted to say "no".
The way we communicate our thoughts and desires can directly lead to better outcomes and better experiences for ourselves and all those around us. Just an awareness of how you use language in your leadership roles can open you up to insights and growth.
No doubt leadership is a combination of "talking the talk" and "walking the walk" and one should be in integrity with the other. We may take a great deal of care in the words we use in a presentation, speech or meeting with the media but how often do we look carefully at the words we are using in every day conversation with our teams? Are you using words that empower or words that dismiss? Are your words closing off choice for others when that isn't what you intend to do?
Two words that are so commonly used in our culture that we rarely think of the impact they have are "want" and "need". Wanting and needing are words describing a lack of something and are not necessarily a powerful way to create what you are wanting and needing! I've gravitated towards the word "prefer" when I am communicating to others what I'd like to see happen. Prefer does leave room for the person you are speaking with to voice a different preference so if a stronger stance is what you are going for just say "Please do (fill in the blank) for me." Even better....specify when you would like this task to be accomplished by. This is clear and unambiguous.
Telling someone what you prefer is much more empowering than want or need and is less likely to put others in a defensive stance if they feel they can not or will not meet your needs. I've also found the requests "would you consider?" or "are you open to?" to be much more likely to lead to an affirmative answer because they are much less threatening ways to ask for something you prefer. They also make it much easier for someone to graciously say "not at this time" which is better than "no" or a "yes" when they really wanted to say "no".
The way we communicate our thoughts and desires can directly lead to better outcomes and better experiences for ourselves and all those around us. Just an awareness of how you use language in your leadership roles can open you up to insights and growth.
29 October 2010
Re-Source-Ful
I've always felt that one of my strengths as a leader was my resourcefulness. Back in my (pre-internet) college days it wasn't uncommon for my friends to stop by my room and ask "what do you know about X?" or "who should I talk to about Y?". I never pretended that I had all the answers but I would offer any insight I had and try to get my friend at least one step closer to the answer they were hoping to find.
Now, it seems you can find out anything with only a computer and internet connection so many of us underestimate or don't know about the resources closer at hand. I've recently observered someone in a leadership position who made a costly mistake for his organization because he didn't take the time to investigate the resources that were as close at hand as the board members and staff that he works with on a frequent basis.
As a leader he made a mistake that's easy to make. When you have great expertise in a certain field you may be prone to believe that there isn't anyone in your organization who can offer insight or experience in that area that you don't have. He felt comfortable in moving forward and only later discovered that had he known what he didn't know things would have turned out much better for all.
So, how do we avoid making this same blind move in our leadership roles? I think the first step comes in getting to know the people you are working with better every day. Spend time with them and just get to know about their past experiences and the special skills and talents they bring to the table. Secondly, don't be afraid to ask questions and admit that you may not know all the answers! It's a brave leader who can go ask someone under them on the org chart how to proceed in a certain matter. It may feel strange the first few times you do this and you may feel more vulnerable but in my experience people love to be valued for what they can offer.
Our lives are filled with people who have so much to offer if we will only get to know them and then ask for their opinions and help. If we are leading without making an effort to fully understand the resources at our command then we are not doing the organization justice. Yes, it takes time and effort to make those connections but it could save you money, save you time and maybe even save your job down the road.
Now, it seems you can find out anything with only a computer and internet connection so many of us underestimate or don't know about the resources closer at hand. I've recently observered someone in a leadership position who made a costly mistake for his organization because he didn't take the time to investigate the resources that were as close at hand as the board members and staff that he works with on a frequent basis.
As a leader he made a mistake that's easy to make. When you have great expertise in a certain field you may be prone to believe that there isn't anyone in your organization who can offer insight or experience in that area that you don't have. He felt comfortable in moving forward and only later discovered that had he known what he didn't know things would have turned out much better for all.
So, how do we avoid making this same blind move in our leadership roles? I think the first step comes in getting to know the people you are working with better every day. Spend time with them and just get to know about their past experiences and the special skills and talents they bring to the table. Secondly, don't be afraid to ask questions and admit that you may not know all the answers! It's a brave leader who can go ask someone under them on the org chart how to proceed in a certain matter. It may feel strange the first few times you do this and you may feel more vulnerable but in my experience people love to be valued for what they can offer.
Our lives are filled with people who have so much to offer if we will only get to know them and then ask for their opinions and help. If we are leading without making an effort to fully understand the resources at our command then we are not doing the organization justice. Yes, it takes time and effort to make those connections but it could save you money, save you time and maybe even save your job down the road.
24 October 2010
Gratitude 30/60
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."Melody Beattie, author
Tomorrow is October 25th. One month before we celebrate Thanksgiving on November 25th and Christmas on December 25th. It seems like a good time to remember the life changing power of gratitude and to set an intention to more actively practice it in my life for the next 30 and 60 days leading up to those holidays.
As leaders gratitude is an especially powerful place to go in times of stress or uncertainty. Gratitude for those things that appear to not be working as we prefer becomes a wonderful reminder that there is something bigger at work in our lives and that control is most often an illusion. It helps us remember that everyone in our lives has something to offer even if it isn't what we'd like to get from them. For me gratitude is also a good way to remember that life doesn't always happen on my time table! Expressing gratitude is a way for me to cut through the mind-chatter and focus on what is really important. It helps me to be a more compassionate, patient and understanding human being.
For the next 60 days I intend to focus joyfully on those things in my life that I am grateful for. I'll be using my Facebook page to express some gratitude and we'll see what that opens up for me in other places as a result. Like this blog, which has become a way for me to identify my passions, observe what seems to work best for the leaders around me, and assimilate those ideas into my own life. Let the gratitude gates open!!
Tomorrow is October 25th. One month before we celebrate Thanksgiving on November 25th and Christmas on December 25th. It seems like a good time to remember the life changing power of gratitude and to set an intention to more actively practice it in my life for the next 30 and 60 days leading up to those holidays.
As leaders gratitude is an especially powerful place to go in times of stress or uncertainty. Gratitude for those things that appear to not be working as we prefer becomes a wonderful reminder that there is something bigger at work in our lives and that control is most often an illusion. It helps us remember that everyone in our lives has something to offer even if it isn't what we'd like to get from them. For me gratitude is also a good way to remember that life doesn't always happen on my time table! Expressing gratitude is a way for me to cut through the mind-chatter and focus on what is really important. It helps me to be a more compassionate, patient and understanding human being.
For the next 60 days I intend to focus joyfully on those things in my life that I am grateful for. I'll be using my Facebook page to express some gratitude and we'll see what that opens up for me in other places as a result. Like this blog, which has become a way for me to identify my passions, observe what seems to work best for the leaders around me, and assimilate those ideas into my own life. Let the gratitude gates open!!
07 October 2010
Do You Finish Strong?
TGIF!! What do those letters mean to you? Thank God It's Friday? Thank God It's Finished? I remember clearly in my college days looking forward to classes being over for the week and getting started on weekend plans as early in the day on Friday as possible. Even now, as an adult, it's easy to think about walking away from some of the workday responsibilities and leave them for another day.
Right now I've got three work-related balls in the air. I've accepted a position with a new organization and I've got a contract that I committed to that runs through the end of January as well as a role with an organization that I helped start and have worked in for 22 years. It's a lot to think about over the next few months and my inner college girl is screaming "TGIF"!! Thank God It's Finished! But, truth be told, it isn't. Not just yet.
I've come to believe that the mark of a leader with true integrity is finishing what you've started and not just going out with a whimper. I plan to be fully engaged in transitioning my duties at the company I've helped run and honoring my contract to the fullest extent possible. I'm eager to learn everything there is to know about my new position, and I'm working on that already, but it's important that I honor the commitments that I've made. So "finish strong" will be my mantra for this time of change.
It's up to each of us to decide what "finish strong" looks like. It may be that you are moving to a new job and part of your responsibility is to train your replacement. It's tempting to be less then fully present for this process but you aren't just cheating the new hire and the organization you are cheating yourself. Perhaps you are in a relationship that isn't working. Would "finish strong" look like making every effort that you know of to repair the damage and make things work before you decide to walk away? Maybe you've been in a long-standing volunteer position and you really feel like people are taking your contributions for granted. Could "finish strong" look like being honest about needing to move on yet making sure all the records or duties you need to pass on are up-to-date and in order?
Certainly life isn't a race. There's no finish line. But there is the satisfaction and karma that comes along with doing what you said you would do. Right up until the end. TGIF!
Right now I've got three work-related balls in the air. I've accepted a position with a new organization and I've got a contract that I committed to that runs through the end of January as well as a role with an organization that I helped start and have worked in for 22 years. It's a lot to think about over the next few months and my inner college girl is screaming "TGIF"!! Thank God It's Finished! But, truth be told, it isn't. Not just yet.
I've come to believe that the mark of a leader with true integrity is finishing what you've started and not just going out with a whimper. I plan to be fully engaged in transitioning my duties at the company I've helped run and honoring my contract to the fullest extent possible. I'm eager to learn everything there is to know about my new position, and I'm working on that already, but it's important that I honor the commitments that I've made. So "finish strong" will be my mantra for this time of change.
It's up to each of us to decide what "finish strong" looks like. It may be that you are moving to a new job and part of your responsibility is to train your replacement. It's tempting to be less then fully present for this process but you aren't just cheating the new hire and the organization you are cheating yourself. Perhaps you are in a relationship that isn't working. Would "finish strong" look like making every effort that you know of to repair the damage and make things work before you decide to walk away? Maybe you've been in a long-standing volunteer position and you really feel like people are taking your contributions for granted. Could "finish strong" look like being honest about needing to move on yet making sure all the records or duties you need to pass on are up-to-date and in order?
Certainly life isn't a race. There's no finish line. But there is the satisfaction and karma that comes along with doing what you said you would do. Right up until the end. TGIF!
24 September 2010
Who I Am Voting For
Election day is just a little over a month away. If you have a mailbox, an email account, a t.v., an internet connection or a newspaper subscription it is impossible to ignore the fact. And, truth is, you shouldn't. Now is the critical time to do your research and be an educated, empowered voter!
On my ballot there will be a mix of party affiliation, gender, race and age. It's lazy to assume that if you vote a single party ticket that your views as a voter are being considered or represented. These are people that we are entrusting with leadership roles who make decisions that impact our daily lives. We should be informed and know why we are voting a certain way.
Here are the candidates I will be voting for:
I realize this list reads as an idealistic fantasy! We might have a hard time believing there is a candidate out there who is any of these things. But, if that's true than we're much to blame. We've somehow decided that our politicians cannot compromise and they had better not ever be wrong. We want them to promise us more of everything for less and then we are surprised when that isn't possible.
Government is made up of people, just as corporations are. Human beings that are trying to make a meaningful life for themselves and their families. We should respect their efforts and then make a much greater effort to educate ourselves about who and what we are voting for.
See you at the voting booth!
On my ballot there will be a mix of party affiliation, gender, race and age. It's lazy to assume that if you vote a single party ticket that your views as a voter are being considered or represented. These are people that we are entrusting with leadership roles who make decisions that impact our daily lives. We should be informed and know why we are voting a certain way.
Here are the candidates I will be voting for:
- Those who are brave enough to tell me I can't have everything I want
- Those who seems to understand that compromise is not a sign of weakness, but rather a way of finding a middle ground and getting things done
- Those who are a conscientious steward of tax payer money
- Those who have demonstrated a willingness to work with a diverse group of people and tackle tough issues
- Those who seem to understand that governing is about process and not platitudes
- Those who would be willing to admit when they've been wrong or apologize for unintended consequences
- Those we are willing to try new ideas and talk about their vision for the highest good
I realize this list reads as an idealistic fantasy! We might have a hard time believing there is a candidate out there who is any of these things. But, if that's true than we're much to blame. We've somehow decided that our politicians cannot compromise and they had better not ever be wrong. We want them to promise us more of everything for less and then we are surprised when that isn't possible.
Government is made up of people, just as corporations are. Human beings that are trying to make a meaningful life for themselves and their families. We should respect their efforts and then make a much greater effort to educate ourselves about who and what we are voting for.
See you at the voting booth!
17 September 2010
What Engages You?
We had a powerful presenter at my American Business Women's Association meeting this past week. Germaine Porche of Eagle's View Systems (www.eaglesview.com) spoke to us about "Leadership: The Art of Engagement". She had some really great information to share with anyone who is interested in developing their skills as a leader.
According to a survey done recently of workers around the globe 8% are disengaged from their work, 30% are labeled "disenchanted" meaning they are only partially engaged, 41% were labeled "enrolled" which meant they were partially engaged but felt no urgency in their work and 21% were "engaged" meaning that they were fully utilizing their skills and creativity in their work environment. I was shocked by the large percentage of people who are disengaged and disenchanted with their jobs.
We had a brief discussion about engaged us in the workplace. Answers included having fun, relevance of what we do, meaning, a clearly articulated company mission and vision and autonomy. According to the survey Germaine shared with us the #1 thing that engages someone in the workplace is knowing that senior management is sincerely interested in employee well being.
There were nine other top survey answers to what causes you to be engaged at work. Not a single one of those answers involved compensation. Here are the remaining nine:
#2: This job improves my skills
#3: The organization has a reputation for social responsibility
#4: I get input into decision making
#5: The organization quickly resolves customer concerns
#6: Management sets high personal standards
#7: Career advancement opportunities
#8: Challenging work assignments that build skills
#9: A good relationship with supervisor
#10: The organization encourages innovative thinking
So, an organization that offers a challenging work environment, tries to do the right thing and cares about its employees is a place that is more likely to have engaged, productive people at all levels. And engaged, productive people always have a positive impact on the bottom line. All of these concepts are in line with the idea of ethical leadership. What can you do to make your workplace or community organization a place of high-level engagement?
According to a survey done recently of workers around the globe 8% are disengaged from their work, 30% are labeled "disenchanted" meaning they are only partially engaged, 41% were labeled "enrolled" which meant they were partially engaged but felt no urgency in their work and 21% were "engaged" meaning that they were fully utilizing their skills and creativity in their work environment. I was shocked by the large percentage of people who are disengaged and disenchanted with their jobs.
We had a brief discussion about engaged us in the workplace. Answers included having fun, relevance of what we do, meaning, a clearly articulated company mission and vision and autonomy. According to the survey Germaine shared with us the #1 thing that engages someone in the workplace is knowing that senior management is sincerely interested in employee well being.
There were nine other top survey answers to what causes you to be engaged at work. Not a single one of those answers involved compensation. Here are the remaining nine:
#2: This job improves my skills
#3: The organization has a reputation for social responsibility
#4: I get input into decision making
#5: The organization quickly resolves customer concerns
#6: Management sets high personal standards
#7: Career advancement opportunities
#8: Challenging work assignments that build skills
#9: A good relationship with supervisor
#10: The organization encourages innovative thinking
So, an organization that offers a challenging work environment, tries to do the right thing and cares about its employees is a place that is more likely to have engaged, productive people at all levels. And engaged, productive people always have a positive impact on the bottom line. All of these concepts are in line with the idea of ethical leadership. What can you do to make your workplace or community organization a place of high-level engagement?
06 September 2010
Your Work: Where Purpose & Passion Can Shine
Today is Labor Day. For most of us a day away from the office. The unofficial end of summer and beginning of fall. I like to use this day to check in to see that my work in this world aligns with the things I'm passionate about and what I feel is my purpose for being here. As leaders we are also gifted with many opportunities to assist others in finding outlets for their passions and purpose.
We often think about our jobs as a necessary evil. The place we spend 40 or more hours every week earning money so we can really enjoy the leisure time we have. We complain about our jobs, wish we had different jobs and feel we aren't recognized for the skills and talents we use there. But what if we looked at those hours spent differently and sought out ways to bring our energy and passion there? Take some time today to think about what gets you excited.
One of my passions is clear communication. I'm fortunate that I've worked in a field (marketing) that values good communication so I find plenty of opportunities to practice. But, I've also found an outlet for my passion in other places. This blog, for instance. And in my volunteer and community roles.
Say you are passionate about quality education, but you aren't a teacher and don't work in the educational field. How can you bring that passion into your current work? First of all, do you look for opportunities to add to your education inside or outside of your work environment? Do you encourage and support those you work with to learn more and add to their skills? Could you put together a proposal and sell to your company's management a scholarship program for kids in need?
Perhaps you are passionate about environmental issues and are dedicated to recycling, composting and using all organic materials at home. How can you translate that passion to your workplace? Maybe you are the perfect person within your company to start a conversation about sustainability. It probably wouldn't feel like work to spend some time researching how your company could get greener while having a positive impact on the bottom line. What leadership can you provide as your company changes to new processes and procedures? What resources can you bring to bear? It doesn't matter what your current job title is.... step out and take ownership of something that gets you excited!
My wish is that we all find places in our daily work where our passion and purpose can shine through. I believe we are all happier and more valuable to ourselves and others when we can make that connection. Good luck and happy labors as you find yours!
We often think about our jobs as a necessary evil. The place we spend 40 or more hours every week earning money so we can really enjoy the leisure time we have. We complain about our jobs, wish we had different jobs and feel we aren't recognized for the skills and talents we use there. But what if we looked at those hours spent differently and sought out ways to bring our energy and passion there? Take some time today to think about what gets you excited.
One of my passions is clear communication. I'm fortunate that I've worked in a field (marketing) that values good communication so I find plenty of opportunities to practice. But, I've also found an outlet for my passion in other places. This blog, for instance. And in my volunteer and community roles.
Say you are passionate about quality education, but you aren't a teacher and don't work in the educational field. How can you bring that passion into your current work? First of all, do you look for opportunities to add to your education inside or outside of your work environment? Do you encourage and support those you work with to learn more and add to their skills? Could you put together a proposal and sell to your company's management a scholarship program for kids in need?
Perhaps you are passionate about environmental issues and are dedicated to recycling, composting and using all organic materials at home. How can you translate that passion to your workplace? Maybe you are the perfect person within your company to start a conversation about sustainability. It probably wouldn't feel like work to spend some time researching how your company could get greener while having a positive impact on the bottom line. What leadership can you provide as your company changes to new processes and procedures? What resources can you bring to bear? It doesn't matter what your current job title is.... step out and take ownership of something that gets you excited!
My wish is that we all find places in our daily work where our passion and purpose can shine through. I believe we are all happier and more valuable to ourselves and others when we can make that connection. Good luck and happy labors as you find yours!
25 August 2010
Your Leadership Shirt: Wool or Silk?
As August winds down and we start yearning for the more moderate weather of early fall my thoughts have turned to the leadership roles we play and how they could be compared to different kinds of clothing. But first is the acknowledgment that the activities and efforts that we categorize as "leadership" are just that: roles. Whether you are President of the United States, CEO of a Fortune 500 company or Den Leader of your son's Cub Scout pack that is just a part you have agreed to play for a certain period of time. My question: how closely identified with that role are you?
Here in Houston we don't wear much wool, even in the coldest winter months. It is a heavier, denser fiber and can be itchy. At one point in my life wearing wool even caused me to break out in hives! On the other hand, silk, also a natural fiber that "breathes", is lighter and softer on the skin.
Think of those two fibers as different ways of wearing your leadership roles, your command clothes so to speak! When we let ourselves become overly identified with a role, taking it and ourselves too seriously, over time it will get heavy, dense and probably even itchy. When we are wearing that heavy wool leadership suit we are too insulated from those we are leading (and serving). We get too involved in our own perception of ourselves and we start to cling to the role because we've become overly identified with it. The expectations we put on ourselves (though we usually blame others for having the expectations) become burdensome and we get even itchier! Not a pleasant, or effective way to lead, and certainly no way to go through life.
What if we viewed our leadership role as a silk suit instead? Delicate, light and easy to wear. So lightweight, in fact, that we hardly feel the pressure of it at all. It doesn't feel like acting, it feels like us! We are free to move and breathe and to relax into the role knowing that it doesn't define us and that we will wear it only as long as it is for the highest good of all. Though light in weight silk can still keep a person warm. And a leadership role, approached with the right intention, can also be a warming light to all.
So, silk or wool? You decide... but I'm no fan of scratching so I'll take silk.
Here in Houston we don't wear much wool, even in the coldest winter months. It is a heavier, denser fiber and can be itchy. At one point in my life wearing wool even caused me to break out in hives! On the other hand, silk, also a natural fiber that "breathes", is lighter and softer on the skin.
Think of those two fibers as different ways of wearing your leadership roles, your command clothes so to speak! When we let ourselves become overly identified with a role, taking it and ourselves too seriously, over time it will get heavy, dense and probably even itchy. When we are wearing that heavy wool leadership suit we are too insulated from those we are leading (and serving). We get too involved in our own perception of ourselves and we start to cling to the role because we've become overly identified with it. The expectations we put on ourselves (though we usually blame others for having the expectations) become burdensome and we get even itchier! Not a pleasant, or effective way to lead, and certainly no way to go through life.
What if we viewed our leadership role as a silk suit instead? Delicate, light and easy to wear. So lightweight, in fact, that we hardly feel the pressure of it at all. It doesn't feel like acting, it feels like us! We are free to move and breathe and to relax into the role knowing that it doesn't define us and that we will wear it only as long as it is for the highest good of all. Though light in weight silk can still keep a person warm. And a leadership role, approached with the right intention, can also be a warming light to all.
So, silk or wool? You decide... but I'm no fan of scratching so I'll take silk.
19 August 2010
Baby You Get to Go a Long Way
My vacation from the news was quite successful during our ten day trip across the Midwest visiting some friends and family. The first few days it was hard to let go of email and Facebook but then my grip on my iPhone gradually loosened a bit as I relaxed into being present with loved ones. It helped my perspective to know that the world just keeps turning and the sky doesn't fall!
Certainly the highlight of our excursion was meeting our new, 6-week-old granddaughter, Tess. Nothing takes you back to the power and source of life like the birth of a new human. Holding her was a wonderful reminder of the perfection and wholeness at the center of everything. Babies, despite their apparent helplessness, seem so wise and cognizant. Wherever she had come from she was starting something new full of promise and possibility.
Being with her reminded me that we start over many times in life. We tend to struggle against the difficulties and learning that come with something new, but those challenges are nothing compared to what a baby encounters upon leaving the womb! To be so physically helpless, so dependent on others and yet so open to growth and change.... what a model for life. Every new endeavor of worth involves a time of learning new things and feeling frustrated that we can't just make it instantly "perfect". And why are we so afraid to admit to others that we don't have all the answers or that we need guidance?
There are some significant areas in my life right now where I am definitely starting over, or at least it feels like it. I'm grateful to have attracted a large number of really supportive people to help me make those transitions. Sometimes I wonder what it is that I don't know or what new surprise is coming around the corner. In these arenas I'm not leading, at least not the way I've been accustomed to before.
I am trying to be true to myself, learn the lessons that are put in my path, and keep remembering that I already accomplished the hardest change in my life many, many years ago. Thanks, Tess, for the reminder.
Certainly the highlight of our excursion was meeting our new, 6-week-old granddaughter, Tess. Nothing takes you back to the power and source of life like the birth of a new human. Holding her was a wonderful reminder of the perfection and wholeness at the center of everything. Babies, despite their apparent helplessness, seem so wise and cognizant. Wherever she had come from she was starting something new full of promise and possibility.
Being with her reminded me that we start over many times in life. We tend to struggle against the difficulties and learning that come with something new, but those challenges are nothing compared to what a baby encounters upon leaving the womb! To be so physically helpless, so dependent on others and yet so open to growth and change.... what a model for life. Every new endeavor of worth involves a time of learning new things and feeling frustrated that we can't just make it instantly "perfect". And why are we so afraid to admit to others that we don't have all the answers or that we need guidance?
There are some significant areas in my life right now where I am definitely starting over, or at least it feels like it. I'm grateful to have attracted a large number of really supportive people to help me make those transitions. Sometimes I wonder what it is that I don't know or what new surprise is coming around the corner. In these arenas I'm not leading, at least not the way I've been accustomed to before.
I am trying to be true to myself, learn the lessons that are put in my path, and keep remembering that I already accomplished the hardest change in my life many, many years ago. Thanks, Tess, for the reminder.
04 August 2010
Take a "News-Cation"
I'm about to take a bit of a vacation starting tomorrow. Well deserved, if I do say so myself! I'm looking forward to a change of scenery and watching the world go by outside my car window. Yes, it's a road trip and not a short one. We're off to visit friends and family, including a new godling that came into this world just over a month ago. There's something about a vacation, even if it's eating cheetos and drinking Dr. Pepper in the front seat of a car driving down our highways and byways. It's a way to get a bigger and fresher perspective on what's really important. You know, that authentic life we sometimes get too busy to uncover.
And, here's another thing I'm planning on this trip and I highly recommend it to you: I'm taking a vacation from the "news" while I'm away. Sure, I might check in with The Weather Channel to make sure the old homestead isn't threatened by any tropical weather while I am away, but that's it. No CNN, no NYtimes.com, not even Yahoo News! I'll even try to take a break from Facebook. I've done it before so I know I'm capable. I can resist!
What I'll discover is that what passes for "news" usually really isn't. It's stuff that happened to someone, somewhere, and sometimes it's sad or tragic, but it's just life. Mostly it's people talking. Voicing their opinions and thoughts. And what happens is I can get all wrapped up in their talking and forget to listen to the voice inside me. The one that can't compete with all the external noise of life and only gets loud in the middle of the night and keeps me awake (which is really annoying!).
I'm looking forward to checking in with that voice during daylight hours while the American miles pass outside my window. Perhaps I'll even stop along the road and listen to the swoosh of the wind through a wheat field and remember how that sound fueled my girlhood dreams. I'll listen to robin song, baby's heart beating, the laughter of loved ones and the music of my choice. I'll forget all the noise of cynicism and remember that I can turn it off whenever & where ever I want to.
Ah, it's going to be a great vacation. I can already hear it.
And, here's another thing I'm planning on this trip and I highly recommend it to you: I'm taking a vacation from the "news" while I'm away. Sure, I might check in with The Weather Channel to make sure the old homestead isn't threatened by any tropical weather while I am away, but that's it. No CNN, no NYtimes.com, not even Yahoo News! I'll even try to take a break from Facebook. I've done it before so I know I'm capable. I can resist!
What I'll discover is that what passes for "news" usually really isn't. It's stuff that happened to someone, somewhere, and sometimes it's sad or tragic, but it's just life. Mostly it's people talking. Voicing their opinions and thoughts. And what happens is I can get all wrapped up in their talking and forget to listen to the voice inside me. The one that can't compete with all the external noise of life and only gets loud in the middle of the night and keeps me awake (which is really annoying!).
I'm looking forward to checking in with that voice during daylight hours while the American miles pass outside my window. Perhaps I'll even stop along the road and listen to the swoosh of the wind through a wheat field and remember how that sound fueled my girlhood dreams. I'll listen to robin song, baby's heart beating, the laughter of loved ones and the music of my choice. I'll forget all the noise of cynicism and remember that I can turn it off whenever & where ever I want to.
Ah, it's going to be a great vacation. I can already hear it.
09 July 2010
A Personal Revolution
Last week I blogged about Independence Day and, specifically, the Declaration of Independence which was ratified on July 4th, 1776 by the Continental Congress of the United State of America. I was writing about how a decision of that nature sets all sorts of changes into action. I consequently had the opportunity to watch a wonderful multi-hour series on The History Channel over the July 4th weekend that went into some detail about the birth of America and the War of Independence. It's been many, many years since I took American History and I believe we all tend to look back at that period and make note of certain historical figures and battles. What I have forgotten in all these years is the long period of time not only leading up to the ratification of the declaration but the long, long war following and then the long span of time before an actual treaty was signed and our country was recognized by other nations. And we rarely remember or consider those citizens who identified or fought with the British, including slaves! It was in many places a civil war, neighbor against neighbor.
Besides those obvious leadership lessons we can draw from the examples of Washington, Jefferson, Adams and the many other patriots that founded this country my thoughts go to the sheer stretch of time that was required for this great upheaval to unfold. Certainly it was not an era of cell phones, text messages and all manner of instant communication so the expectation of how things should happen allowed for more time. Even so, I think we can benefit from taking a more leisurely view of change and change management. We should remember that there is a time to push and agitate and then there is a time to allow things to unfold and come to us.
How prepared are you to put in the necessary effort and, yes, necessary time to make a big change in your life? And can you stay the course knowing that it may look or feel like nothing much is happening? Our forefathers (and mothers) knew so much about delayed gratification and the benefit of putting in the necessary time and effort for a worthwhile cause. What worthwhile cause in your life is calling you to make that kind of effort? Maybe it's something truly revolutionary!
Besides those obvious leadership lessons we can draw from the examples of Washington, Jefferson, Adams and the many other patriots that founded this country my thoughts go to the sheer stretch of time that was required for this great upheaval to unfold. Certainly it was not an era of cell phones, text messages and all manner of instant communication so the expectation of how things should happen allowed for more time. Even so, I think we can benefit from taking a more leisurely view of change and change management. We should remember that there is a time to push and agitate and then there is a time to allow things to unfold and come to us.
How prepared are you to put in the necessary effort and, yes, necessary time to make a big change in your life? And can you stay the course knowing that it may look or feel like nothing much is happening? Our forefathers (and mothers) knew so much about delayed gratification and the benefit of putting in the necessary time and effort for a worthwhile cause. What worthwhile cause in your life is calling you to make that kind of effort? Maybe it's something truly revolutionary!
01 July 2010
Celebrate Your Independence!
This weekend we celebrate our declaration of independence made in 1776 and what that day meant at the time and into the future for the newly declared United States of America. It's incredible what our forefathers accomplished by speaking (or writing) this declaration. They set forth something new into consciousness. An ideal that has captured the world's imagination and continues to do so.
We can all declare our own independence, every day, no matter what outer circumstance may appear to be. One declaration that I will make this year is to remember that I have a choice about what I feel about or how to interpret everything in my life. I can choose to call it "bad or wrong" or I can decide to call it "different or challenging". How I interpret and name my experience is what creates the next experience. I can choose to be grateful for my life and call it all GOOD!
We can all declare our own independence, every day, no matter what outer circumstance may appear to be. One declaration that I will make this year is to remember that I have a choice about what I feel about or how to interpret everything in my life. I can choose to call it "bad or wrong" or I can decide to call it "different or challenging". How I interpret and name my experience is what creates the next experience. I can choose to be grateful for my life and call it all GOOD!
18 June 2010
Honor Your Father
Our cultural perceptions and expectations of fatherhood have changed a great deal from my childhood. Fathers used to be expected to support the family financially while only taking on a peripheral role in the emotional life of their wife and children. I'm very grateful for the evolution in fatherhood I've seen in my own family and in our society. An open, loving and emotionally available dad is now accepted as the ideal by many and dads get to share a lot more with their children.
As we approach Father's Day I've been thinking of the lessons that my father has taught me about living my life fully and joyfully. Many studies point to a direct relationship between a present, loving father and a woman who is successful as an adult. I am grateful and fortunate to be in that category.
So, what are some of the life and leadership lessons I learned from my dad? One thing I learned was the power of storytelling. Dad's can tell the best stories, the tallest tales and the longest yarns and my dad was no different. Whether it was his childhood memories, historical tales of people and places long gone or the science behind the most mundane or magical, he kept us amused on long car trips and camp outs. He's still a great storyteller as he talks about the places he and my mom have recently traveled, people they've met or a battlefield they've visited. Stories capture our attention and have the power to bring us together. An effective leader learns how to use stories to create a shared vision and direction.
The other leadership lessons from my dad were the gifts of high expectation and unconditional support. Entering my freshman year in high school I was selected at try-outs as a junior varsity cheerleader. It was a great year, but one of my friends and classmates was not selected. As try-outs approached for the next year she would come to my house and we'd practice nearly every day. I felt no reluctance in teaching her what I knew. When the day came for try-outs and the evening hours ticked by making it obvious I had not made the squad I was destroyed as only a 15-year-old girl can be. I remember feeling surprised that it was my dad who braved my dark, tear-stained bedroom instead of mom. But he obviously knew exactly what to say because the lesson sticks with me even today. He told me that "the cream always rises to the top". He expected me to hold my head high and try again the next year. He let me know I could be successful in that endeavor and anything else I set out to accomplish. He was right. I did make cheerleader both my junior and senior years. I've stumbled and failed many other times in my life, but its never stopped me from trying again. Because he expected great things I do, too.
If you don't have the gift of your father in your life I hope you'll spend some time this weekend remembering how his impact has shaped you. Or perhaps the fatherly lessons have been imparted by someone you didn't call "dad". Maybe it was a stepfather, grandfather, uncle or brother. Perhaps an amazing boss, a minister or counselor. Honor those lessons no matter where they came from. And if you are a father consider the example and the lessons you provide daily. Happy Father's Day!
As we approach Father's Day I've been thinking of the lessons that my father has taught me about living my life fully and joyfully. Many studies point to a direct relationship between a present, loving father and a woman who is successful as an adult. I am grateful and fortunate to be in that category.
So, what are some of the life and leadership lessons I learned from my dad? One thing I learned was the power of storytelling. Dad's can tell the best stories, the tallest tales and the longest yarns and my dad was no different. Whether it was his childhood memories, historical tales of people and places long gone or the science behind the most mundane or magical, he kept us amused on long car trips and camp outs. He's still a great storyteller as he talks about the places he and my mom have recently traveled, people they've met or a battlefield they've visited. Stories capture our attention and have the power to bring us together. An effective leader learns how to use stories to create a shared vision and direction.
The other leadership lessons from my dad were the gifts of high expectation and unconditional support. Entering my freshman year in high school I was selected at try-outs as a junior varsity cheerleader. It was a great year, but one of my friends and classmates was not selected. As try-outs approached for the next year she would come to my house and we'd practice nearly every day. I felt no reluctance in teaching her what I knew. When the day came for try-outs and the evening hours ticked by making it obvious I had not made the squad I was destroyed as only a 15-year-old girl can be. I remember feeling surprised that it was my dad who braved my dark, tear-stained bedroom instead of mom. But he obviously knew exactly what to say because the lesson sticks with me even today. He told me that "the cream always rises to the top". He expected me to hold my head high and try again the next year. He let me know I could be successful in that endeavor and anything else I set out to accomplish. He was right. I did make cheerleader both my junior and senior years. I've stumbled and failed many other times in my life, but its never stopped me from trying again. Because he expected great things I do, too.
If you don't have the gift of your father in your life I hope you'll spend some time this weekend remembering how his impact has shaped you. Or perhaps the fatherly lessons have been imparted by someone you didn't call "dad". Maybe it was a stepfather, grandfather, uncle or brother. Perhaps an amazing boss, a minister or counselor. Honor those lessons no matter where they came from. And if you are a father consider the example and the lessons you provide daily. Happy Father's Day!
09 June 2010
Funny Thing About Insecurity
I just had to share this email that came this week from Tut.com (Notes from the Universe) about insecurity:
Insecurity is the greatest social piranha in the pool of human existence. Yet discovering that no matter what anyone else thinks, you can still choose your own thoughts, manifest your own things, and live happily ever after is like wearing underwater, titanium body armor in your favorite color, with built-in rabbit ear slippers and a ghetto-like hoodie.
First of all the visual image that came to mind makes me giggle every time I read it. Secondly, and most importantly, it is spot-on true! I have known more people derailed from happiness, joy and success because of insecurity. Perhaps it's an old recording that they play in their heads from childhood about unworthiness or something that was said about them in the heat of an argument. Whatever it is, that thought that keeps popping up is ruining their life! I know there's been plenty of those thoughts show up for me over the years. Its well worth the work to learn how to identify them, see them for what they are and release them. Besides I really like the idea of underwater, titanium body armor. Make mine red, please!
Insecurity is the greatest social piranha in the pool of human existence. Yet discovering that no matter what anyone else thinks, you can still choose your own thoughts, manifest your own things, and live happily ever after is like wearing underwater, titanium body armor in your favorite color, with built-in rabbit ear slippers and a ghetto-like hoodie.
First of all the visual image that came to mind makes me giggle every time I read it. Secondly, and most importantly, it is spot-on true! I have known more people derailed from happiness, joy and success because of insecurity. Perhaps it's an old recording that they play in their heads from childhood about unworthiness or something that was said about them in the heat of an argument. Whatever it is, that thought that keeps popping up is ruining their life! I know there's been plenty of those thoughts show up for me over the years. Its well worth the work to learn how to identify them, see them for what they are and release them. Besides I really like the idea of underwater, titanium body armor. Make mine red, please!
02 June 2010
Notice the Energy
It's been proven scientifically that we are all made of energetically charged particles. Our cells, the atoms that make them and the smaller particles that create the atoms are all mostly space held together with energy. That is my very unscientific, lay interpretation anyway. But, we all instinctively know this to be true because we pick up energetic signals from each other all the time. We sometimes refer to people as "energy vampires" when we feel that being around them just drains us. Some people rev us up every time we cross paths... they just seem to vibrate at a very high frequency. And then some people can calm a room just by walking in the door. Are you conscious of the energetic vibration that you emit?
I have the great fortune to work with lots of different, diverse groups at the same time and thus get to observe how people influence each other energetically. One of the volunteer committees that I'm working with right now has developed this wonderful sparkling energy. The leader of the group has put his stamp on it by being fully present and open to the collaborative efforts and everyone has picked up on that and you can feel the excitement. Each meeting brings new, fun ideas and we keep attracting new committee members who want to play with us. I know the event will be successful because the good energy we've developed will attract sponsors and participants.
Unfortunately I've also observed people in leadership positions who didn't understand how their energy influenced a group. And the group can be large: hundreds and even thousands of people or more. A woman I once knew in a leadership position was unable to find a way to be truly interested in the people under her influence. She spent all her energy on a few key people but was not willing to give that same consideration to others. She was an energy miser. It wasn't long before "the masses" got very unhappy with her leadership and even those at the top couldn't ignore it. Perhaps she was just unsuited to a leadership position of that magnitude. A lot of energy is required to lead a large organization.
Spend some time watching how people around you exchange energy. Are they contributing or contaminating, abusing or attracting? There's a lot going on in all those spaces between the atoms!
I have the great fortune to work with lots of different, diverse groups at the same time and thus get to observe how people influence each other energetically. One of the volunteer committees that I'm working with right now has developed this wonderful sparkling energy. The leader of the group has put his stamp on it by being fully present and open to the collaborative efforts and everyone has picked up on that and you can feel the excitement. Each meeting brings new, fun ideas and we keep attracting new committee members who want to play with us. I know the event will be successful because the good energy we've developed will attract sponsors and participants.
Unfortunately I've also observed people in leadership positions who didn't understand how their energy influenced a group. And the group can be large: hundreds and even thousands of people or more. A woman I once knew in a leadership position was unable to find a way to be truly interested in the people under her influence. She spent all her energy on a few key people but was not willing to give that same consideration to others. She was an energy miser. It wasn't long before "the masses" got very unhappy with her leadership and even those at the top couldn't ignore it. Perhaps she was just unsuited to a leadership position of that magnitude. A lot of energy is required to lead a large organization.
Spend some time watching how people around you exchange energy. Are they contributing or contaminating, abusing or attracting? There's a lot going on in all those spaces between the atoms!
26 May 2010
How Much Value are You Adding?
One of my leadership mentors always focused on and spoke about being a "person of value". There was a time when I wasn't really sure what he meant. I decided not to ask him but rather to watch him because I know what someone shows you means much more than what they tell you. And over the years he has demonstrated over and over again what it means to be a person of value and I've taken those lessons to heart and tried to model them in my own life. Here's are a few things I've observed in watching him:
1) A person of value respects diversity: of opinion, background, culture, religious belief. And they learn as much from others who differ from them as much as they teach what they know. And they allow themselves to be comfortable in any arena of great diversity, because they know diversity adds value.
2) A person of value is serious about the commitments they make and don't just "take up space". They find a way to add to every group they belong to whether in a professional, volunteer or family role. They show up. Physically and mentally.
3) A person of value strives to serve a higher purpose and a greater good. With their eyes focused on a bigger picture they are less distracted by the momentary dramas and challenges that come along with any endeavor.
4) A person of value knows that they have something to offer and aren't afraid to bring it forth. They don't worry about getting credit for the value they bring or spend time fretting over any perceived lack of standing or ability. They offer what is theirs to the best of their ability and let that offering move into the situation as it will without pushing it as an agenda.
5) A person of value will give their endeavors their best effort but will be able to walk away, if necessary, with a clear conscience knowing that they did the best they could.
6) A person of value listens. Really listens. Listens without prejudging or deciding ahead of time what they think the outcome should be.
There is a way to add value in every relationship we are in. Starting with the relationship we have with ourselves! I find that the people I know that seem to be natural leaders are those that strive to add value in every situation. Think of those individuals that you know that everyone instinctively likes and trusts. I'll bet they are a provider of value. We have confidence in their ability to lead.
1) A person of value respects diversity: of opinion, background, culture, religious belief. And they learn as much from others who differ from them as much as they teach what they know. And they allow themselves to be comfortable in any arena of great diversity, because they know diversity adds value.
2) A person of value is serious about the commitments they make and don't just "take up space". They find a way to add to every group they belong to whether in a professional, volunteer or family role. They show up. Physically and mentally.
3) A person of value strives to serve a higher purpose and a greater good. With their eyes focused on a bigger picture they are less distracted by the momentary dramas and challenges that come along with any endeavor.
4) A person of value knows that they have something to offer and aren't afraid to bring it forth. They don't worry about getting credit for the value they bring or spend time fretting over any perceived lack of standing or ability. They offer what is theirs to the best of their ability and let that offering move into the situation as it will without pushing it as an agenda.
5) A person of value will give their endeavors their best effort but will be able to walk away, if necessary, with a clear conscience knowing that they did the best they could.
6) A person of value listens. Really listens. Listens without prejudging or deciding ahead of time what they think the outcome should be.
There is a way to add value in every relationship we are in. Starting with the relationship we have with ourselves! I find that the people I know that seem to be natural leaders are those that strive to add value in every situation. Think of those individuals that you know that everyone instinctively likes and trusts. I'll bet they are a provider of value. We have confidence in their ability to lead.
19 May 2010
The Word for Today is "Flexibility"
A friend of mine pronounced at an association meeting today while doing her introduction that "the word for today is flexibility". Later she had the opportunity to explain how a long series of little things had seemingly gone wrong for her today and the solutions she found to bring order to chaos. What I heard in her very amusing story was how she had found opportunities for creativity in each situation.
At this same meeting our speaker's topic was "How to Bounce Back From Adversity"... how apt! She talked about the "four lenses" that people tend to view adversity through: control, impact, breadth and duration. She offered some insight into figuring out what our fallback position is in coping with stressful situations and then offered questions to ask ourselves to facilitate moving to a place of strength instead of victimhood. The objective is to find the way that works best for us to move quickly from analysis of the adversity to a plan of action and/or reaction.
She then shared a story about leaving her office to come speak to us without her cell phone, which had the address, her GPS, and the phone number for the member who booked her to speak. She was able to illustrate her ability to think creatively by asking herself good questions that led her to find us in time to do her presentation!
Lesson learned: we're all faced with adversity of some kind every day. We can look at it as a global, inescapable situation and marinate in it or we can get flexible, ask ourselves some good questions and find a way to be creative in turning adversity to progress.
At this same meeting our speaker's topic was "How to Bounce Back From Adversity"... how apt! She talked about the "four lenses" that people tend to view adversity through: control, impact, breadth and duration. She offered some insight into figuring out what our fallback position is in coping with stressful situations and then offered questions to ask ourselves to facilitate moving to a place of strength instead of victimhood. The objective is to find the way that works best for us to move quickly from analysis of the adversity to a plan of action and/or reaction.
She then shared a story about leaving her office to come speak to us without her cell phone, which had the address, her GPS, and the phone number for the member who booked her to speak. She was able to illustrate her ability to think creatively by asking herself good questions that led her to find us in time to do her presentation!
Lesson learned: we're all faced with adversity of some kind every day. We can look at it as a global, inescapable situation and marinate in it or we can get flexible, ask ourselves some good questions and find a way to be creative in turning adversity to progress.
13 May 2010
This. Or Something Greater.
Wouldn't it be great to have a crystal ball and be able to discern what lies in our future? Couldn't we better plan and arrange our lives to take full advantage of the available time and resources if we knew what was going to happen? Maybe. I'm of the belief that we really do create our futures through imagining what we want and then taking the steps toward it. Think of the successful people you know who've always had a goal or vision of their future selves doing what they love to do. Knowing what we want and then working towards it is a great thing to do.
But, wait a minute... are you limiting yourself by defining the goal too much? Have you created so many parameters for your goal that you are no longer open for something better to come along? Are you only allowing yourself to look in one direction? Sometimes we get so focused on the one place we think our good should be coming from that we don't even notice that there might be other opportunities and options we can explore.
Next time you fall short of your goal take a minute to relax and allow yourself to be open to excelling in a different space. Maybe one that fits you better. Maybe one that you hadn't noticed because you were too focused on THIS and not open to SOMETHING BETTER!
But, wait a minute... are you limiting yourself by defining the goal too much? Have you created so many parameters for your goal that you are no longer open for something better to come along? Are you only allowing yourself to look in one direction? Sometimes we get so focused on the one place we think our good should be coming from that we don't even notice that there might be other opportunities and options we can explore.
Next time you fall short of your goal take a minute to relax and allow yourself to be open to excelling in a different space. Maybe one that fits you better. Maybe one that you hadn't noticed because you were too focused on THIS and not open to SOMETHING BETTER!
09 May 2010
The Leadership of Motherhood
Happy Mother's Day! Today is the day we've all agreed to honor the women who have somehow participated in our creation (whether by birth or not), our development, and our emergence as adult humans. Motherhood in all its manifestations is at once a natural and biological imperative and also a complete leap into an seemingly unknown and undiscovered existence! Whether your mother was skilled or not, present or not, loving or not, she has had a profound impact on the person you are today. Inside the realm of the loving mother there are examples of true leadership qualities.
Clear expectations, sometimes known as boundaries, are one of the leadership skills a good mother possesses. As we progress from infant to adult our mother has a sense of precisely where to move those boundaries so that we feel protected while continuously growing by learning new skills and trying on new ways of being. This setting of boundaries is not without its fits and starts. I doubt there's a mother alive who would say she did it perfectly, but it truly is an art and a gift to those looking to her leadership.
Authentic praise and recognition is another way a mother employs great leadership. We all want to make our mothers proud, but empty praise for something we know we didn't deserve to be recognized for is usually counterproductive. The mother with great leadership skills knows exactly what we need to be recognized for: trying something difficult for the first time, learning a hard won new skill, excelling in an honorable manner, sharing what is ours without expectation of reward, honoring those around us for what they have to offer.
Those are just two of the leadership skills that a good mother possesses. Sometimes we get this good mothering from people in our lives that are not our mothers. It is good to recognize the mothering that life provides for us and honor it whenever we can. And honor the instinct of motherhood within yourself, whether you are man or woman. We all have the capacity to nurture and bring out the best in those around us... and that is truly a leadership skill.
Clear expectations, sometimes known as boundaries, are one of the leadership skills a good mother possesses. As we progress from infant to adult our mother has a sense of precisely where to move those boundaries so that we feel protected while continuously growing by learning new skills and trying on new ways of being. This setting of boundaries is not without its fits and starts. I doubt there's a mother alive who would say she did it perfectly, but it truly is an art and a gift to those looking to her leadership.
Authentic praise and recognition is another way a mother employs great leadership. We all want to make our mothers proud, but empty praise for something we know we didn't deserve to be recognized for is usually counterproductive. The mother with great leadership skills knows exactly what we need to be recognized for: trying something difficult for the first time, learning a hard won new skill, excelling in an honorable manner, sharing what is ours without expectation of reward, honoring those around us for what they have to offer.
Those are just two of the leadership skills that a good mother possesses. Sometimes we get this good mothering from people in our lives that are not our mothers. It is good to recognize the mothering that life provides for us and honor it whenever we can. And honor the instinct of motherhood within yourself, whether you are man or woman. We all have the capacity to nurture and bring out the best in those around us... and that is truly a leadership skill.
30 April 2010
A Lesson in Steadfast Leadership
Last evening I had the opportunity to attend a "Roast" for a gentle and good man who had been a fellow board member at the Houston Intercontinental Chamber of Commerce. His name is Bill Townsend and I learned a lot of important leadership lessons in Bill's presence.
Bill served as the organization's Treasurer the year I was Chair of the Board. A little more than a year before that we had served on Executive Committee together when a hard decision was made to take the organization in a different direction. We then spent many hours together as part of the search committee for a new president. Not long after we had our new president in place it was discovered that some major financial malfeasance had taken place with the carry over staff. The organization was not in the financial condition that we had been led to believe. A lawsuit was filed on our behalf and the board and new President found ourselves in a very challenging situation.
It was one of the most difficult and demanding situations I have ever been in, let alone as the leader of a volunteer-driven organization. We found ourselves asking some very uncomfortable questions about the future viability of the organization and the effort it would take to turn things around.
Through it all Bill was steadfast and clear about our future. "Failure is not an option" was his mantra and he repeated it often. As our Treasurer I know how much it pained him to present our financial picture to the board each month. He didn't try to hide his angst or make as if it was something other than what it was. I admired his honest and straight forward approach to sharing information. We all felt like we were in it together -- sink or swim.
Bill was also involved in a number of other community organizations and always in a leadership role. He was our Chairman of the Board at the chamber this year and it is sad to see that his career is taking him to other places. Things have turned around there and I'm sorry Bill won't be there to take some credit and enjoy some better times. I know he'll soon be influencing others by his steady leadership, his funny stories (mostly poking fun at himself) and his easy inclusion of all those around him.
Thank you, Bill, for being a rock when the stormy seas were churning. And thank you for adding your name to the list of friends I can call truly steadfast leaders.
Bill served as the organization's Treasurer the year I was Chair of the Board. A little more than a year before that we had served on Executive Committee together when a hard decision was made to take the organization in a different direction. We then spent many hours together as part of the search committee for a new president. Not long after we had our new president in place it was discovered that some major financial malfeasance had taken place with the carry over staff. The organization was not in the financial condition that we had been led to believe. A lawsuit was filed on our behalf and the board and new President found ourselves in a very challenging situation.
It was one of the most difficult and demanding situations I have ever been in, let alone as the leader of a volunteer-driven organization. We found ourselves asking some very uncomfortable questions about the future viability of the organization and the effort it would take to turn things around.
Through it all Bill was steadfast and clear about our future. "Failure is not an option" was his mantra and he repeated it often. As our Treasurer I know how much it pained him to present our financial picture to the board each month. He didn't try to hide his angst or make as if it was something other than what it was. I admired his honest and straight forward approach to sharing information. We all felt like we were in it together -- sink or swim.
Bill was also involved in a number of other community organizations and always in a leadership role. He was our Chairman of the Board at the chamber this year and it is sad to see that his career is taking him to other places. Things have turned around there and I'm sorry Bill won't be there to take some credit and enjoy some better times. I know he'll soon be influencing others by his steady leadership, his funny stories (mostly poking fun at himself) and his easy inclusion of all those around him.
Thank you, Bill, for being a rock when the stormy seas were churning. And thank you for adding your name to the list of friends I can call truly steadfast leaders.
19 April 2010
Ethics: The Ripple Effect
"Ethics is how we behave when we decide we belong together."
-- Brother David Steindl-Rast
I came across this definition of ethics while reading the book "The Trance of Scarcity" by Victoria Castle and it really resonated with me. In fact, I've been looking for a definition of ethics that got to the core issue of why people behave unethically and, in my mind, this is it. People bend the rules, take advantage, move the chips, because they don't realize that we're all connected and what you take that isn't yours does cause a ripple in the web that binds us all together.
Call it the golden rule, or karma, but what if we could see how our actions impact others before we take them? We tend to think if no one is looking or we can't think of anyone we know that it will impact negatively that it's o.k. to cut corners or claim something that isn't ours. It's also easy to do it when we think our actions only impact a business or corporation not remembering that a business is made up of the people that work there and the stockholders that own it. Some people feel more free to take advantage when it doesn't impact their immediate family or friends.
These intentions and actions are coming from the core idea that there isn't enough to go around and that we are all in competition for scare resources. I get awfully tired of thinking that there isn't enough... don't you? After decades of being a small business owner I've had plenty of opportunity to scare myself about the competition down the street, across town and overseas. In fact, I'm exhausted from that idea. I know it causes me to behave in ways that are counter-productive to my highest good and tempts me to cut corners and take advantage in ways that I should not.
Ethical behavior is much easier when I first remember that not only am I connected to everyone else, but that my actions affect us all and that there really is enough to go around.
-- Brother David Steindl-Rast
I came across this definition of ethics while reading the book "The Trance of Scarcity" by Victoria Castle and it really resonated with me. In fact, I've been looking for a definition of ethics that got to the core issue of why people behave unethically and, in my mind, this is it. People bend the rules, take advantage, move the chips, because they don't realize that we're all connected and what you take that isn't yours does cause a ripple in the web that binds us all together.
Call it the golden rule, or karma, but what if we could see how our actions impact others before we take them? We tend to think if no one is looking or we can't think of anyone we know that it will impact negatively that it's o.k. to cut corners or claim something that isn't ours. It's also easy to do it when we think our actions only impact a business or corporation not remembering that a business is made up of the people that work there and the stockholders that own it. Some people feel more free to take advantage when it doesn't impact their immediate family or friends.
These intentions and actions are coming from the core idea that there isn't enough to go around and that we are all in competition for scare resources. I get awfully tired of thinking that there isn't enough... don't you? After decades of being a small business owner I've had plenty of opportunity to scare myself about the competition down the street, across town and overseas. In fact, I'm exhausted from that idea. I know it causes me to behave in ways that are counter-productive to my highest good and tempts me to cut corners and take advantage in ways that I should not.
Ethical behavior is much easier when I first remember that not only am I connected to everyone else, but that my actions affect us all and that there really is enough to go around.
09 April 2010
Passion, Not Position
"Leadership is no longer about your position. It's now more about your passion for excellence and making a difference. You can lead without a title."
--Robin Sharma
I just loved this quote when it landed in my email inbox recently. The last few years I've been keeping a document with quotes that I like. I find that having the right quote is a great speech opener for the rare times I'm at a podium. When I served as a board chair several years ago I always opened up our Executive Committee meetings with a quote that I felt captured the mood of the work before us. The organization was going through some challenging times both financially and regarding personnel issues so it was nice to know as we sat down together that Winston Churchill or Mahatma Ghandi, for example, had words of wisdom apt for our challenges.
I liked this quote because I truly believe you can lead without a title or position. And I don't believe you can be a successful leader, even with a title, if you don't have a passion for excellence and a desire to create meaningful change. I'm learning new leadership skills all the time. Quite often from someone who is not in a traditional leadership role. We all have so much to learn from each other if we'll only be open to those lessons.
This idea of leading without title or position is perfectly exemplified by a woman I am serving with on a YMCA board. She is sixty years old and just received her bachelor's degree. In her younger years she had to care for siblings and couldn't attend college, but she didn't let this fact stop her from having an interesting career. She is an excellent people connector and has mastered the art of speaking diplomatically and still asking for what she wants. People in positions of authority rely on her to open doors and make introductions. She greases a lot of wheels! She is so young and vibrant. In my mind she exemplifies a true community leader.
Passion, not position. That idea has real meaning to me.
--Robin Sharma
I just loved this quote when it landed in my email inbox recently. The last few years I've been keeping a document with quotes that I like. I find that having the right quote is a great speech opener for the rare times I'm at a podium. When I served as a board chair several years ago I always opened up our Executive Committee meetings with a quote that I felt captured the mood of the work before us. The organization was going through some challenging times both financially and regarding personnel issues so it was nice to know as we sat down together that Winston Churchill or Mahatma Ghandi, for example, had words of wisdom apt for our challenges.
I liked this quote because I truly believe you can lead without a title or position. And I don't believe you can be a successful leader, even with a title, if you don't have a passion for excellence and a desire to create meaningful change. I'm learning new leadership skills all the time. Quite often from someone who is not in a traditional leadership role. We all have so much to learn from each other if we'll only be open to those lessons.
This idea of leading without title or position is perfectly exemplified by a woman I am serving with on a YMCA board. She is sixty years old and just received her bachelor's degree. In her younger years she had to care for siblings and couldn't attend college, but she didn't let this fact stop her from having an interesting career. She is an excellent people connector and has mastered the art of speaking diplomatically and still asking for what she wants. People in positions of authority rely on her to open doors and make introductions. She greases a lot of wheels! She is so young and vibrant. In my mind she exemplifies a true community leader.
Passion, not position. That idea has real meaning to me.
05 April 2010
On Accepting Assistance
A health emergency in the immediate family over the Easter holiday weekend has reminded me, once again, that "no man is an island". It was a precarious and scary situation. Her seemingly minor ailment turned deadly in just a matter of days. For the first 72 hours we didn't have any idea what the future might hold. In the past few days I have been awash in offers of food, babysitting, prayers, transportation, anything that might be needed for my stepdaughter who was struck by a virulent staph infection. Now we learn that she is healing faster than any of the doctors told her she would. Far, far from the scenario they painted for her just 24 hours ago.
There is power in asking for help. Even when no apparent help is ever provided. Thoughts and prayers of healing and wholeness can never be scientifically proven to have moved the situation as it happened, but there's no doubt in my mind because I've seen it unfold in such a way too many times to question anymore. I don't know how it works and I figure its none of my business. Nor do I likely have the mental capacity to understand it. All I know is that time after time when confronted with a seemingly insurmountable problem in my life I have asked trusted friends to know what I could not: that everything would be o.k. No matter their religion, or their system of beliefs. It just works. And the greater blessing is knowing that there are people who stand ready to assist in whatever way fits them best.
There is power in asking for help. Even when no apparent help is ever provided. Thoughts and prayers of healing and wholeness can never be scientifically proven to have moved the situation as it happened, but there's no doubt in my mind because I've seen it unfold in such a way too many times to question anymore. I don't know how it works and I figure its none of my business. Nor do I likely have the mental capacity to understand it. All I know is that time after time when confronted with a seemingly insurmountable problem in my life I have asked trusted friends to know what I could not: that everything would be o.k. No matter their religion, or their system of beliefs. It just works. And the greater blessing is knowing that there are people who stand ready to assist in whatever way fits them best.
28 March 2010
Leading with an Open Hand
I had the opportunity and experience to organize and deliver a fairly large public event yesterday. I came into the process after this year's committee had already begun planning. It was the 27th year that the event had been held. So there were a lot of people on the committee who had more experience with the event than I did, so much so that many of the activities and tasks associated with the event were assumed and not always discussed. There was so much history surrounding the event that for many weeks it literally seemed like the other committee members were speaking in "code"! My learning curve felt fairly steep.
But as the weeks went by I gradually familiarized myself with the scope and details of the event. I started to organize things in a way that made sense to me and helped me stay productive and focused. I got over any shyness I felt about asking potentially stupid questions. I also got over any hesitation in asking for help, whenever and wherever needed. It felt like I was constantly saying "thank you" and rightly so.
I had a great deal of trepidation about the results of my efforts. It was the kind of event impossible for one person to have complete and absolute control over, but I felt it was my reputation on the line if it didn't measure up. Driving to the venue yesterday morning before sunrise I thought about how I wanted the day to go. What came into my mind was the image of an open hand, palm up, unprotected. I realized that for the day to be a success that I had to let go of any idea of control and be open to what my higher power would offer as the day unfolded. I relaxed and knew I was open to any offers of assistance and support.
It will be a few days, at least, before I know if the event was a financial success. But success should be measured in many more ways and I know from the smiling faces I saw and the good comments I received that the event can already be deemed a success. My grandson attended and seeing the event through his eyes that was worth more than anything else.
So that image of an open hand was a real sign post and a reminder that control is really just an illusion. Focused preparation is key, but so is letting go of expectation of a preconceived result.
But as the weeks went by I gradually familiarized myself with the scope and details of the event. I started to organize things in a way that made sense to me and helped me stay productive and focused. I got over any shyness I felt about asking potentially stupid questions. I also got over any hesitation in asking for help, whenever and wherever needed. It felt like I was constantly saying "thank you" and rightly so.
I had a great deal of trepidation about the results of my efforts. It was the kind of event impossible for one person to have complete and absolute control over, but I felt it was my reputation on the line if it didn't measure up. Driving to the venue yesterday morning before sunrise I thought about how I wanted the day to go. What came into my mind was the image of an open hand, palm up, unprotected. I realized that for the day to be a success that I had to let go of any idea of control and be open to what my higher power would offer as the day unfolded. I relaxed and knew I was open to any offers of assistance and support.
It will be a few days, at least, before I know if the event was a financial success. But success should be measured in many more ways and I know from the smiling faces I saw and the good comments I received that the event can already be deemed a success. My grandson attended and seeing the event through his eyes that was worth more than anything else.
So that image of an open hand was a real sign post and a reminder that control is really just an illusion. Focused preparation is key, but so is letting go of expectation of a preconceived result.
15 March 2010
Leading from the Center: Yours
A friend of mine gave me this nifty gift last night. It's an "Emotional Scale" and it's a column of words printed next to a picture of a beautiful waterfall and the quote "Everything you want is downstream". The column of words are descriptions of human emotions and are placed in an order we would consider from bad to good. Beginning at the low end of the scale is powerlessness, followed in order by depression, despair, fear, grief, unworthiness, insecurity, guilt and so on. About half way up the scale you hit boredom and then contentment. Ah, now things are looking better! The good half of the scale continues on to hopefulness, optimism, belief, happiness, enthusiasm, eagerness, passion, empowerment, freedom, joy, knowledge, appreciation and (finally) love.
The purpose of the Emotional Scale is to show how, for example, if we're feeling stuck on worry that it might be a leap to big to move immediately to passion. But, we could probably move up the scale a few notches from worry to impatience and then work on changing that to hopefulness. Anything taken in small steps is workable.
I started thinking of this scale and how it has meaning in the context of leadership. Have you ever tried to be an effective leader while in the midst of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or irritated? Doesn't work real well, does it? We just can't get the clarity of purpose we need when we're not coming from a place of centered purpose and conscious emotion. For me the tipping point of effective leadership happens between boredom and contentment. But the real engine of powerful leadership doesn't kick in to gear until you can hit at least optimism and belief. Watch out for those leaders who come from a place of passion and empowerment.... they are the ones who accomplish the "impossible". And those who can truly lead from love are those who's stories are passed down through the generations. Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln. It's something to aspire to and something to be conscious of: what place are you leading from?
The purpose of the Emotional Scale is to show how, for example, if we're feeling stuck on worry that it might be a leap to big to move immediately to passion. But, we could probably move up the scale a few notches from worry to impatience and then work on changing that to hopefulness. Anything taken in small steps is workable.
I started thinking of this scale and how it has meaning in the context of leadership. Have you ever tried to be an effective leader while in the midst of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or irritated? Doesn't work real well, does it? We just can't get the clarity of purpose we need when we're not coming from a place of centered purpose and conscious emotion. For me the tipping point of effective leadership happens between boredom and contentment. But the real engine of powerful leadership doesn't kick in to gear until you can hit at least optimism and belief. Watch out for those leaders who come from a place of passion and empowerment.... they are the ones who accomplish the "impossible". And those who can truly lead from love are those who's stories are passed down through the generations. Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln. It's something to aspire to and something to be conscious of: what place are you leading from?
05 March 2010
What Color is your Jelly Bean?
I'm just wrapping up one of my best weeks of the year: Texas Community Development Institute. This week-long series of seminars and learning activities is for professionals and volunteers in the field of economic and community development. I signed up for my first year in 2008 at the urging of one of my leadership mentors, Cathy Owen, to see if it might be a good fit for a second career. I loved it so much I just finished the third, and final, year.
Our most talked about speaker this year was Elizabeth Campbell, Partner and Chief Diversity Officer at Andrews & Kurth, LLP. Her topic was "Conflict Resolution" and her purpose was to teach us how we can take one potential cause of conflict, diversity, and use it for the higher purpose of the group.
Through her great presentation, a fabulous animated movie about a giraffe and an elephant, and a lively discussion we learned how we all try to make the people in our lives fit the situation instead of the other way around. She introduced a great teaching tool to our group: jelly beans! But, these were no ordinary jelly beans. These could have been called "diversity beans" because the color of the bean was not an indication of the flavor. So a black jelly bean (licorice, right?) could be lemon or grape. A yellow jelly bean might be lemon or it might be lime or orange or licorice. It was a weird sensation and created quite a stir in the class.
And it was such a good lesson about not judging another person by what we perceive on the surface. The big things like gender, race, age don't tell us what's really inside and what opinions, habits and skills we'll find. And the little things like (dis)abilities, hair color, language, religion, dress, etc... don't tell us everything there is to know either.
Elizabeth also taught us that it's o.k. that we have preconceived notions, biases and stereotypes. We're only human and that's they way humans operate. We are now more willing than ever to go beyond what we see on the surface and see what flavor the jelly bean really is!
Our most talked about speaker this year was Elizabeth Campbell, Partner and Chief Diversity Officer at Andrews & Kurth, LLP. Her topic was "Conflict Resolution" and her purpose was to teach us how we can take one potential cause of conflict, diversity, and use it for the higher purpose of the group.
Through her great presentation, a fabulous animated movie about a giraffe and an elephant, and a lively discussion we learned how we all try to make the people in our lives fit the situation instead of the other way around. She introduced a great teaching tool to our group: jelly beans! But, these were no ordinary jelly beans. These could have been called "diversity beans" because the color of the bean was not an indication of the flavor. So a black jelly bean (licorice, right?) could be lemon or grape. A yellow jelly bean might be lemon or it might be lime or orange or licorice. It was a weird sensation and created quite a stir in the class.
And it was such a good lesson about not judging another person by what we perceive on the surface. The big things like gender, race, age don't tell us what's really inside and what opinions, habits and skills we'll find. And the little things like (dis)abilities, hair color, language, religion, dress, etc... don't tell us everything there is to know either.
Elizabeth also taught us that it's o.k. that we have preconceived notions, biases and stereotypes. We're only human and that's they way humans operate. We are now more willing than ever to go beyond what we see on the surface and see what flavor the jelly bean really is!
25 February 2010
A Leadership Philosophy
Philosophy can be defined this way:
a theory or attitude held by a person or organization that acts as a guiding principle for behavior.
I was involved in a meeting yesterday with a staff person and another volunteer for a community organization I'm involved with as a board member and we were talking about the roles and responsibilities of the board and how best to assist them in performing for the highest good of the organization. I'm relatively new to this particular group but my experience as a volunteer board member and as a leader of volunteers goes back for some years, so I bring that perspective and history with me to this situation.
As we talked I verbalized a thought and realized later that it was part of my leadership philosophy. The thought I had was about how I had internally resisted the direction of the board chair when he volunteered me for a role that we had not discussed beforehand. I could think back to many other times when I had either watched or acted as a leader and done the same thing with equally predictable results: failure!
This lead me to realize that one of my leadership philosophies would be that desired change must come through communication and agreement, not by direction and demand. It really had irritated me that I wasn't consulted before it was announced at a board meeting that I would take on this responsibility and it felt like I had been set up to fail. And I reacted as so many people have before me and will for time immemorial: I said nothing and for the most part have done nothing about it.
Knowing what I do I realize that this reaction may be normal but not the most productive for the organization. I am aware now that this "top down" style of leadership does not motivate me or create a feeling of inclusiveness and "buy in". I can use this lesson and apply it to areas where I am asked to lead. I can remember how valuable it is for everyone to feel heard and understood. Even those people on a team that you think might be the most evolved need to be treated like equal partners.
What is your leadership philosophy? How did you come to learn it and live it?
a theory or attitude held by a person or organization that acts as a guiding principle for behavior.
I was involved in a meeting yesterday with a staff person and another volunteer for a community organization I'm involved with as a board member and we were talking about the roles and responsibilities of the board and how best to assist them in performing for the highest good of the organization. I'm relatively new to this particular group but my experience as a volunteer board member and as a leader of volunteers goes back for some years, so I bring that perspective and history with me to this situation.
As we talked I verbalized a thought and realized later that it was part of my leadership philosophy. The thought I had was about how I had internally resisted the direction of the board chair when he volunteered me for a role that we had not discussed beforehand. I could think back to many other times when I had either watched or acted as a leader and done the same thing with equally predictable results: failure!
This lead me to realize that one of my leadership philosophies would be that desired change must come through communication and agreement, not by direction and demand. It really had irritated me that I wasn't consulted before it was announced at a board meeting that I would take on this responsibility and it felt like I had been set up to fail. And I reacted as so many people have before me and will for time immemorial: I said nothing and for the most part have done nothing about it.
Knowing what I do I realize that this reaction may be normal but not the most productive for the organization. I am aware now that this "top down" style of leadership does not motivate me or create a feeling of inclusiveness and "buy in". I can use this lesson and apply it to areas where I am asked to lead. I can remember how valuable it is for everyone to feel heard and understood. Even those people on a team that you think might be the most evolved need to be treated like equal partners.
What is your leadership philosophy? How did you come to learn it and live it?
11 February 2010
Win/Win Instead of Whine/Whine
From corporate life to community life we've seen a change in recent decades from top down leadership to a more grass-roots and consensus building approach to leadership and I think this is a good thing. We are all more interconnected than ever so why not build a consensus on some areas of common ground before moving forward? In my experience those organizations that foster a sense of belonging and work to hear the voice of each individual are the ones that experience the most long-term success.
I'm going to go out on a political limb here and say that I'm not generally seeing our elected representatives behave in such a way and we, as voters, are not holding them responsible. And we aren't holding ourselves responsible either, but more on that in a minute!
Whether an elected official is in the minority or majority wouldn't it be refreshing to hear them say that they honor the views of those that disagree with them? That they will work to find common ground so that a solution for an issue can be found? How about a willingness to admit they were wrong? Exhibiting a "mountain top view" of what the whole country needs and not a select group of constituents in their district or state? Finding real solutions instead of just getting reelected?
As leaders we've come to know that win/win is the ultimate goal and that sometimes means giving up part of what we want in order to find a workable solution and create goodwill for the next time around. But all I'm hearing from politicians is whine/whine because they are stuck in you win/I lose, I win/you lose or lose/lose. Not very attractive or productive.
But it's too easy for us to complain and allow ourselves to get stuck in the endless feedback loop of talk radio and other opinion sellers. What if we held ourselves accountable and realized that we're just as big a part of the whining? When will we acknowledge that we can't expect government to shrink and still do all the things we've come to expect from it? And what are we willing to give up for the larger good? Why do we ask for lower taxes and then wonder why there's a pothole in the road? Do we offer solutions or just sound bites? Do we assist our elected officials in their jobs even if they aren't the "right" party for us? Do we educate ourselves on the issues so that we aren't swayed by inflamed emails to vote a certain way?
There are a lot of ways I'm looking at myself right now and asking if I'm the best citizen I can be. I can't expect those that represent me to do a better job until I'm prepared to work for win/win instead of whine/whine.
I'm going to go out on a political limb here and say that I'm not generally seeing our elected representatives behave in such a way and we, as voters, are not holding them responsible. And we aren't holding ourselves responsible either, but more on that in a minute!
Whether an elected official is in the minority or majority wouldn't it be refreshing to hear them say that they honor the views of those that disagree with them? That they will work to find common ground so that a solution for an issue can be found? How about a willingness to admit they were wrong? Exhibiting a "mountain top view" of what the whole country needs and not a select group of constituents in their district or state? Finding real solutions instead of just getting reelected?
As leaders we've come to know that win/win is the ultimate goal and that sometimes means giving up part of what we want in order to find a workable solution and create goodwill for the next time around. But all I'm hearing from politicians is whine/whine because they are stuck in you win/I lose, I win/you lose or lose/lose. Not very attractive or productive.
But it's too easy for us to complain and allow ourselves to get stuck in the endless feedback loop of talk radio and other opinion sellers. What if we held ourselves accountable and realized that we're just as big a part of the whining? When will we acknowledge that we can't expect government to shrink and still do all the things we've come to expect from it? And what are we willing to give up for the larger good? Why do we ask for lower taxes and then wonder why there's a pothole in the road? Do we offer solutions or just sound bites? Do we assist our elected officials in their jobs even if they aren't the "right" party for us? Do we educate ourselves on the issues so that we aren't swayed by inflamed emails to vote a certain way?
There are a lot of ways I'm looking at myself right now and asking if I'm the best citizen I can be. I can't expect those that represent me to do a better job until I'm prepared to work for win/win instead of whine/whine.
04 February 2010
Always Do Your Best: Leadership Agreement #4
As with anything transformational or life-defining (think Ten Commandments) these agreements may seem simple at first but turn out to be much more challenging to actually LIVE! Being impeccable with your word, not taking anything personally and never making assumptions is certainly something to aspire to. Some days easier to embody than others. Now we come to agreement number four, which should be the easiest:
Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
But what does your "best" look like and do you really know when you are performing at your highest level? This agreement requires a high level of self awareness and the necessity to "check in" with yourself often to ask "am I giving my best effort right now?". I think it also speaks to the necessary balance we all seek. Because we are not just one role we have to look at how each of our obligations is affecting others and discern if we are creating anything at our highest level or are we just making everything mediocre?
It might be worthwhile to sit and consider what our best looks like. What does it feel like when we are giving our best as a parent, colleague, leader, boss, teammate, spouse, student? We should try to develop an understanding of what a level of excellence is for us personally so that we aren't constantly comparing our effort to those around us. It might mean being more conscious of what we agree to do knowing that one more thing could be detrimental to the other commitments we've made. Or maybe that extra thing you are considering will bring you some skills that will move you towards excellence in those other areas. Weigh carefully.
Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
But what does your "best" look like and do you really know when you are performing at your highest level? This agreement requires a high level of self awareness and the necessity to "check in" with yourself often to ask "am I giving my best effort right now?". I think it also speaks to the necessary balance we all seek. Because we are not just one role we have to look at how each of our obligations is affecting others and discern if we are creating anything at our highest level or are we just making everything mediocre?
It might be worthwhile to sit and consider what our best looks like. What does it feel like when we are giving our best as a parent, colleague, leader, boss, teammate, spouse, student? We should try to develop an understanding of what a level of excellence is for us personally so that we aren't constantly comparing our effort to those around us. It might mean being more conscious of what we agree to do knowing that one more thing could be detrimental to the other commitments we've made. Or maybe that extra thing you are considering will bring you some skills that will move you towards excellence in those other areas. Weigh carefully.
31 January 2010
Don't Make Assumptions: Leadership Agreement #3
The last few weeks have been extremely busy for me and I've had countless opportunities to practice the first two agreements: Be impeccable with your word and Don't take anything personally! I've had the opportunity to experience the drama of others without letting myself absorb the drama and make it my own. When we can observe the drama that others create that is a good way to "not take anything personally". Now, not everything has gone smoothly during this busy time. There's been stress that has come out when I'm with those closest too me because that is often where we allow communication to break down: in our closest circles. Always something to work on improving!
But here we are ready to see how the third agreement works to make us better leaders!
Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.
I think this agreement might be the one that is genetically most difficult for me. As a child I remember being afraid to go to the corner store next to the elementary school by myself and buy candy. I was afraid to ask for what I really wanted. I'm also the oldest child in my family which, for me, meant some pressure to be responsible and do well in school and in life (not that I haven't acted out or rebelled a few times along the way). I knew that I would have to move away from my family of birth and the home of my childhood to have a chance of true success, but it's still a struggle to be able to "communicate clearly."
So where does this agreement come into play as we fulfill our roles as leaders? So often leaders assume that those they represent or that follow them think and feel about things the same way we do. How often do we ask those in the organizations we lead what they really want out of their involvement? Do we have the courage to learn that they don't see things the same way we do?
Making assumptions more often than not leads to misunderstandings and less then desirable results. It feels easy to make a million little assumptions as we go through a process because it creates the feeling of accord and understanding. But something will always occur, count on it, to illuminate the error of our assumptions. Sometimes it is something small that can be easily talked through. Sometimes it will something so major that relationships will be irreparably damaged and lives profoundly changed. That is why Ruiz states that you can completely transform your life by utilizing this one agreement. Think of that next time you assume you know how someone else thinks of feels.
But here we are ready to see how the third agreement works to make us better leaders!
Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.
I think this agreement might be the one that is genetically most difficult for me. As a child I remember being afraid to go to the corner store next to the elementary school by myself and buy candy. I was afraid to ask for what I really wanted. I'm also the oldest child in my family which, for me, meant some pressure to be responsible and do well in school and in life (not that I haven't acted out or rebelled a few times along the way). I knew that I would have to move away from my family of birth and the home of my childhood to have a chance of true success, but it's still a struggle to be able to "communicate clearly."
So where does this agreement come into play as we fulfill our roles as leaders? So often leaders assume that those they represent or that follow them think and feel about things the same way we do. How often do we ask those in the organizations we lead what they really want out of their involvement? Do we have the courage to learn that they don't see things the same way we do?
Making assumptions more often than not leads to misunderstandings and less then desirable results. It feels easy to make a million little assumptions as we go through a process because it creates the feeling of accord and understanding. But something will always occur, count on it, to illuminate the error of our assumptions. Sometimes it is something small that can be easily talked through. Sometimes it will something so major that relationships will be irreparably damaged and lives profoundly changed. That is why Ruiz states that you can completely transform your life by utilizing this one agreement. Think of that next time you assume you know how someone else thinks of feels.
18 January 2010
The Five Agreements for Leadership: #2 Don't Take Anything Personally
Now that we've had a few days of practicing being impeccable with our word (does it count when talking to your cats?) let's move on to the next of Don Miguel Ruiz's "Agreements". He should have left this one for last, because it is a killer:
Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own inner reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Is he KIDDING? How much stuff in life DON'T we take personally? I mean, it's all about me, right? Center of the Universe and all that. It's hard enough not to take it personally when someone cuts us off in traffic and we don't even know the other driver!! But, he's talking about not taking anything personally, from anyone at all.
And what about the things I really want to take personally? You know, when other people tell you how fabulous, talented, generous and gorgeous you are? He's not talking about that, too? Yeah, I think he is.
I'll admit since reading those earth shattering words some ten years ago this one has taken time to soak in and really make sense. But, no truer words were ever written: "when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering". And when you are in any kind of leadership position there are a lot of opinions and actions that seem to be about you. The power comes in realizing that it really isn't about you. It's about the expectations, assumptions, ideas and beliefs held in the mind of another person. A mind that you know nothing about. Doing things for reasons that are never about you.
I'd advise letting this agreement sink in over time. And then next time someone does something that totally baffles or aggravates you stop and just say to yourself "this isn't about me". Next time someone compliments you for something you've said or done say "thank you" and then say to yourself "but, this isn't about me".
This is BIG! Let me know how you are doing with Agreement #2!
Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own inner reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Is he KIDDING? How much stuff in life DON'T we take personally? I mean, it's all about me, right? Center of the Universe and all that. It's hard enough not to take it personally when someone cuts us off in traffic and we don't even know the other driver!! But, he's talking about not taking anything personally, from anyone at all.
And what about the things I really want to take personally? You know, when other people tell you how fabulous, talented, generous and gorgeous you are? He's not talking about that, too? Yeah, I think he is.
I'll admit since reading those earth shattering words some ten years ago this one has taken time to soak in and really make sense. But, no truer words were ever written: "when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering". And when you are in any kind of leadership position there are a lot of opinions and actions that seem to be about you. The power comes in realizing that it really isn't about you. It's about the expectations, assumptions, ideas and beliefs held in the mind of another person. A mind that you know nothing about. Doing things for reasons that are never about you.
I'd advise letting this agreement sink in over time. And then next time someone does something that totally baffles or aggravates you stop and just say to yourself "this isn't about me". Next time someone compliments you for something you've said or done say "thank you" and then say to yourself "but, this isn't about me".
This is BIG! Let me know how you are doing with Agreement #2!
13 January 2010
The Five Agreements for Leadership: #1
A week ago I had the pleasure to see and hear someone in person who's writing profoundly changed my life about 10 years ago. Don Miguel Ruiz came to Houston with his two sons, Miguel and Jose. Many years ago while vacationing in the mountains of New Mexico I read "The Four Agreements". It has become a book close to my heart. Last week he presented his book "The Fifth Agreement" and it got me thinking how the agreements could apply to the path of leadership. We'll take one at at time and start at the beginning!
Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Impeccable. Just that word brings to mind something carefully and meticulously put together. No ragged edges, no worn out or careless seams, clean and starched. He's saying we should be that careful, that precise and that conscious of our words. And not just the words that come out of our mouths but those that float around in our minds, our thoughts.
And notice that you are not to use the word against yourself! Maybe we're careful not to abuse ourselves out loud, but are we that careful in our thoughts?
The other word that catches my attention is integrity. I think that is what true leadership is all about. Actions and words in complete harmony. And certainly gossip is not using our word with integrity.
When you are in a position of leadership your words carry extra weight and people are watching how you conduct yourself. Are you impeccable? Do you act with integrity? Do you refrain from gossip? None of those things are easy, but they can be mastered with practice. Perhaps you can think of examples in your life of people who have modeled those traits. My grandmother Amos never spoke badly of anyone. Ever. No one in the family can remember her saying anything hurtful about anyone. What restraint and amazing power she exemplified.
Words can build up or they can tear down. A leader will find a way to build up those around her in every possible situation, including herself, but not at the expense of others. Be sure you are conscious of the message you want to convey before you put it into words.
Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Impeccable. Just that word brings to mind something carefully and meticulously put together. No ragged edges, no worn out or careless seams, clean and starched. He's saying we should be that careful, that precise and that conscious of our words. And not just the words that come out of our mouths but those that float around in our minds, our thoughts.
And notice that you are not to use the word against yourself! Maybe we're careful not to abuse ourselves out loud, but are we that careful in our thoughts?
The other word that catches my attention is integrity. I think that is what true leadership is all about. Actions and words in complete harmony. And certainly gossip is not using our word with integrity.
When you are in a position of leadership your words carry extra weight and people are watching how you conduct yourself. Are you impeccable? Do you act with integrity? Do you refrain from gossip? None of those things are easy, but they can be mastered with practice. Perhaps you can think of examples in your life of people who have modeled those traits. My grandmother Amos never spoke badly of anyone. Ever. No one in the family can remember her saying anything hurtful about anyone. What restraint and amazing power she exemplified.
Words can build up or they can tear down. A leader will find a way to build up those around her in every possible situation, including herself, but not at the expense of others. Be sure you are conscious of the message you want to convey before you put it into words.
07 January 2010
A New Year & New Leadership Intentions
Here we are, a week into a new year and a new decade. Many people begin January with a fresh, exciting list of resolutions. They resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, be nice to their parents, spend more time with the kids, walk the dog, ignore the cat. Resolutions never worked all that well for me, and I suspect you may feel the same way. I always created a list that was so overwhelming by the end of the month I had put it away and forgotten about it.
I find it more helpful to set intentions, but only after looking back on the previous year and listing all that I am grateful came to pass. Then I have a clearer picture of what I want to allow into my experience as the year unfolds. Intentions are more of an inside out process. Your intentions flow from your beliefs about yourself and manifest as actions and words. Resolutions feel like something your mean Aunt Gurdie wants you to do, like "eat all the peas on your plate before you can have chocolate cake."
What are some of my leadership intentions for 2010?
* I intend to see the good in every person and every experience, no matter how challenging or how long it takes
* I intend to let myself be surprised by how great life is
* I intend to seek out new learning experiences that will enhance my leadership skills
* I intend to honor the way others lead, especially if it isn't the way I would do it
* I intend to allow others their opportunities to lead, and to support them in their efforts
* I intend to look for leaders to mentor me and the opportunity to mentor other leaders
* I intend to weigh carefully my words knowing that words have great power to hurt or heal
Those are just a few of the things that come to mind. Oh, and I intend that I will have a very good year and hope the same for you!
I find it more helpful to set intentions, but only after looking back on the previous year and listing all that I am grateful came to pass. Then I have a clearer picture of what I want to allow into my experience as the year unfolds. Intentions are more of an inside out process. Your intentions flow from your beliefs about yourself and manifest as actions and words. Resolutions feel like something your mean Aunt Gurdie wants you to do, like "eat all the peas on your plate before you can have chocolate cake."
What are some of my leadership intentions for 2010?
* I intend to see the good in every person and every experience, no matter how challenging or how long it takes
* I intend to let myself be surprised by how great life is
* I intend to seek out new learning experiences that will enhance my leadership skills
* I intend to honor the way others lead, especially if it isn't the way I would do it
* I intend to allow others their opportunities to lead, and to support them in their efforts
* I intend to look for leaders to mentor me and the opportunity to mentor other leaders
* I intend to weigh carefully my words knowing that words have great power to hurt or heal
Those are just a few of the things that come to mind. Oh, and I intend that I will have a very good year and hope the same for you!
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About Me
- Jill Boullion
- Houston, TX, United States
- I've led a lot and followed plenty of times, too. All these experiences have given me some interesting perspective into what makes someone a leader worth following. And what constitutes ethical leadership? We usually can smell it when's it not, so let's find the examples in the world of people leading in an ethical and authentic way! My passion is community leadership but I think the lessons of leadership transcend place and specifics. I'd love to hear what you think about leadership!