It seems not a day goes by that I don't hear of another friend, or friend of a friend, getting laid off or having their umpteenth second interview, but never a job offer, and today was no different. I always prefer to focus on the "good" but sometimes we need to look at what "is" and find a way to be with it and not label it good or bad. The truth is that many people are struggling right now and though our family is having struggles we know that there are many that didn't have the resources to fall back on that we're blessed to have.
Times like these seem to call out for leadership with real heart and soul. In fact, it feels like we're being given the opportunity to remember what is truly important, which is love, relationships, family, faith, community, serving others, and being really present in the here and now. I'm trying to focus every day on what is within my control and many times the only thing I can control is how I choose to feel about what is happening around me!
So, how can we lead and nurture others when the world is spinning out of control around us? First, focus on being really present and listening to those you are with. Now, more than ever, we each have the desire to be really heard. Secondly, utilize our networks and abilities to help someone in need move their process forward a step, if that's what they are truly wanting. If it feels like they just want an excuse to stay stuck where they are then bless them and allow them to stay where they feel safest. And, most importantly, now is the time to be a light in the world and if you have the resources to give, then find a way to do so. That friend who's just been through their fifteenth second interview in the past nine months would probably appreciate a cup of coffee and a good friend!
29 September 2009
27 September 2009
Leadership and Love in Action
Thank you to my friend Rev. Patty Rumpza for sending me this via email last week. It really was such a lesson of love in action and a beautiful way to look at leadership.
In the Babemba tribe in Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he/she is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the "accused" individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, about all the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All his/her positive attributes, good deeds, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. The tribal ceremony often lasts several days.
The tribe recognizes that the correction for non-integrous behavior is not punishment, but love and the remembrance of identity. They believe a friend, coach, or teacher, is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. They are not fooled by the mistakes you have made or the dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.
One of the most important lessons we can learn from evolution is that we are related to all that lives. Consider the fact that your personal DNA is 99.99 % identical to the DNA of every other human being, and to all that has ever lived. Once we begin to include ourselves in the story that we are no longer on an individual journey, we have joined the grand caravan of "endless forms -most beautiful and wonderful". This is cooperation and collaboration at it's core essence.
I am so grateful to have people in my life who remember who I really am whenever I forget. My wish is that you do, too. Namaste!
In the Babemba tribe in Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he/she is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the "accused" individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, about all the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All his/her positive attributes, good deeds, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. The tribal ceremony often lasts several days.
The tribe recognizes that the correction for non-integrous behavior is not punishment, but love and the remembrance of identity. They believe a friend, coach, or teacher, is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. They are not fooled by the mistakes you have made or the dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.
One of the most important lessons we can learn from evolution is that we are related to all that lives. Consider the fact that your personal DNA is 99.99 % identical to the DNA of every other human being, and to all that has ever lived. Once we begin to include ourselves in the story that we are no longer on an individual journey, we have joined the grand caravan of "endless forms -most beautiful and wonderful". This is cooperation and collaboration at it's core essence.
I am so grateful to have people in my life who remember who I really am whenever I forget. My wish is that you do, too. Namaste!
22 September 2009
Leadership Lessons I Learned from My Parents
In case you don't already realize that your kids are going to end up learning more from watching your actions then from anything you ever tell them, consider everything you model in your life that came from watching your parents! Today I have been ruminating on the leadership lessons my parents taught me without ever saying a word.
First, some background that might help put my story into perspective. Though I now live in the fourth largest city in America, Houston, situated in the south along the Gulf coast, I was born and raised smack dab in the middle of the country, officially in the middle of nowhere, in Superior, Nebraska. If everyone fills out the census form they barely hit 2,000. Growing up in a community of that size is a completely different experience than living in a big city. Everybody knows who you are and what you're up to. There's literally no place to hide. Consequently your actions can have larger consequences (both good and bad) as they ripple out at the speed of lightening.
My mother was a teacher in the school system, my father a chemist at the local cement manufacturing facility. Here's some of the leadership lessons they taught me by example:
1) Give back to your community. From the library board to the school board, church activities, fundraisers, men's and women's groups, my parents always found time to be actively involved in making the community better. Now that they are Texans they continue that example.
2) A reputation is built one relationship, one action, one word at a time and is the most valuable thing you own.
3) A bad reputation can be created and maintained much easier than a good one.... so don't go there!
4) Accept everyone and welcome their input and contributions. We are all part of the human family and have intrinsic value. Everyone can contribute at some level and at some time.
5) Don't let other people define you or limit you. My dad told me once that the "cream always rises to the top" and I know now that we all have that good inside of us (the cream) and we just need to find it and use it.
6) The pioneering spirit didn't die with the last sod house or log cabin.
7) Treat others the way you want to be treated. Even family... especially family!
I'm certain as soon as I close this blog post I'll think of other leadership lessons my parents taught me, but this seems like a good place to start and stop. I'm truly grateful to have parents that continue to teach me how to be in the world and I hope that I can pay that lesson forward.
First, some background that might help put my story into perspective. Though I now live in the fourth largest city in America, Houston, situated in the south along the Gulf coast, I was born and raised smack dab in the middle of the country, officially in the middle of nowhere, in Superior, Nebraska. If everyone fills out the census form they barely hit 2,000. Growing up in a community of that size is a completely different experience than living in a big city. Everybody knows who you are and what you're up to. There's literally no place to hide. Consequently your actions can have larger consequences (both good and bad) as they ripple out at the speed of lightening.
My mother was a teacher in the school system, my father a chemist at the local cement manufacturing facility. Here's some of the leadership lessons they taught me by example:
1) Give back to your community. From the library board to the school board, church activities, fundraisers, men's and women's groups, my parents always found time to be actively involved in making the community better. Now that they are Texans they continue that example.
2) A reputation is built one relationship, one action, one word at a time and is the most valuable thing you own.
3) A bad reputation can be created and maintained much easier than a good one.... so don't go there!
4) Accept everyone and welcome their input and contributions. We are all part of the human family and have intrinsic value. Everyone can contribute at some level and at some time.
5) Don't let other people define you or limit you. My dad told me once that the "cream always rises to the top" and I know now that we all have that good inside of us (the cream) and we just need to find it and use it.
6) The pioneering spirit didn't die with the last sod house or log cabin.
7) Treat others the way you want to be treated. Even family... especially family!
I'm certain as soon as I close this blog post I'll think of other leadership lessons my parents taught me, but this seems like a good place to start and stop. I'm truly grateful to have parents that continue to teach me how to be in the world and I hope that I can pay that lesson forward.
21 September 2009
Graceful Leaders
Saturday evening I attended the Federation of Houston Professional Women's "Women of Excellence" Gala, which is an annual event where a woman from each member organization is honored for her leadership, career accomplishments, and community involvement. It was a lovely event honoring nearly 40 women and I remembered very clearly how nervous and honored I was in 2004 when it was me up on that stage in front of hundreds of people. And how grateful I was that my strapless gown stayed where I wanted it to!
What struck me this year as I watched each woman take the stage was how diverse a group it was. Young, old, white, brown and black and everything in between. It made me proud to be a woman who supports and is supported by other women. Each woman had different abilities, different skills and talents, but the unifying theme was that she was using these abilities, skills and talents to lift up the women in her immediate circle and the community at large. I was particularly impressed by the stunningly youthful seventy year old grandmother who had recently gone sky diving with her eighteen year old grandson. Now, that is a grandmother to emulate!
Men and women has so much of value to learn from one another and women can certainly show the way to appreciate each other in such a gracious manner. I'm grateful I was able to spend some time in the company of such accomplished, gentle and powerful women.
What struck me this year as I watched each woman take the stage was how diverse a group it was. Young, old, white, brown and black and everything in between. It made me proud to be a woman who supports and is supported by other women. Each woman had different abilities, different skills and talents, but the unifying theme was that she was using these abilities, skills and talents to lift up the women in her immediate circle and the community at large. I was particularly impressed by the stunningly youthful seventy year old grandmother who had recently gone sky diving with her eighteen year old grandson. Now, that is a grandmother to emulate!
Men and women has so much of value to learn from one another and women can certainly show the way to appreciate each other in such a gracious manner. I'm grateful I was able to spend some time in the company of such accomplished, gentle and powerful women.
18 September 2009
More on Leadership and Loss
Eckhart Tolle writes in his book The New Earth, "What is lost on the level of form is gained on the level of essence."
I had to go back and read that over several times and then sit with it awhile before really appreciating the layers of meaning contained in that sentence. One meaning certainly speaks to leadership because we so often strive for the trappings of authority that can be seen and acknowledged on the outside: titles, awards, position, money, stuff. This is one of the places where the rubber meets the road in acting as an ethical leader. Sometimes being ethical, taking the high road, is the hard thing to do and we hesitate because of the possibility of "negative" consequences: being fired, losing a position of authority, losing a friend, embarrassment, shame or ridicule and we go along with something we know in our gut is wrong. There are times when we need to admit, publicly, that we've been wrong or misled someone.
The idea of losing credibility or "face" can often hold us back from doing or saying what we know is right. But if we are truly committed to leadership and prepared to lose those outward signs of power then the real gains start to become apparent. Perhaps we need to think about the gain in "essence" that we create by doing the right thing.
I had to go back and read that over several times and then sit with it awhile before really appreciating the layers of meaning contained in that sentence. One meaning certainly speaks to leadership because we so often strive for the trappings of authority that can be seen and acknowledged on the outside: titles, awards, position, money, stuff. This is one of the places where the rubber meets the road in acting as an ethical leader. Sometimes being ethical, taking the high road, is the hard thing to do and we hesitate because of the possibility of "negative" consequences: being fired, losing a position of authority, losing a friend, embarrassment, shame or ridicule and we go along with something we know in our gut is wrong. There are times when we need to admit, publicly, that we've been wrong or misled someone.
The idea of losing credibility or "face" can often hold us back from doing or saying what we know is right. But if we are truly committed to leadership and prepared to lose those outward signs of power then the real gains start to become apparent. Perhaps we need to think about the gain in "essence" that we create by doing the right thing.
17 September 2009
The World Just Keeps Getting Smaller
Yesterday at an ABWA luncheon I met a lovely lady from Chile who now lives and works in Houston was visiting our group for the first time. The person who brought her wanted her to tell us the story of how she came to live in the United States. Her tale began with how she had followed in the footsteps of others in her family and attended a small, liberal arts college in Nebraska. "Nebraska?", I quickly piped in since this is my home state. She graduated from Hastings College in Hastings, NE which is where my paternal grandmother lived and 60 miles from my hometown of Superior. And then when she asked me where my hometown was we discovered that we had something else in common. Her sister-in-law is from Superior! Those of you from Houston and other large metropolitan areas would probably be laughing at my astonishment, but when you find out that Superior has a population under 2,500 you could probably deduce that the odds of us meeting and having this in common are quite high! And, her sister-in-law's father worked for the same company as my father did.
This lovely lady and I have promised to get together soon for coffee and explore our shared connection and get to know other things about each other. When the Universe sends some synchronicity like this my way I try not to ignore it because you never know what good will unfold as a result.
This lovely lady and I have promised to get together soon for coffee and explore our shared connection and get to know other things about each other. When the Universe sends some synchronicity like this my way I try not to ignore it because you never know what good will unfold as a result.
15 September 2009
Can Loss Make You a Better Leader?
Losses come into all our lives. Loss comes dressed many ways: death, divorce, accident, disease, unemployment, business failure, financial setback, and countless others. Sometimes the losses we feel the most profoundly are those that aren't even known or acknowledged by anyone but ourselves or those closest to us. 2008 was a year I will remember many losses in my life. A close aunt and uncle died within months of one another, two beloved cats died five days apart, someone I looked up to and trusted severed our relationship, my husband was involved in a car accident, our business suffered along with many others in the recent financial and economic crisis. All of those things I mourned in different degrees. Recently, however, I found out that mourning the loss of a dream may be just as challenging. I had worked for many months to prepare myself to interview and be selected for the job I just knew was the culmination of everything I'd done in my life up until now. It was so real I could feel it with all five of my senses! I would be working for an organization I respected and, most importantly, for a person I greatly admired and wanted to emulate. It was the opportunity of a lifetime and, I thought, the start of the "second half" of my career.
Unfortunately it wasn't to be. I was devastated to get the phone call telling me I was their "second choice". All the sudden, stranded by the side of the road with no map, I wondered how I was going to get to the destination I know is on the horizon. I've been leaning on those gurus, guides and girlfriends I've written about before and learning a lot from this unexpected growth opportunity.
Here are just a few of the things I've figured out so far:
1) The true essence of who I am has not changed a bit from this loss. No loss can take that away from me. Whether you call that God, Spirit or whatever it is the unchangeable core of who we all are.
2) Organizations need leaders with real heart who know what loss feels like. Especially community organizations that serve people in times of need. Loss can create empathy for others and that is a valuable gift to offer the world.
3) When your world cracks open you eventually discover the jewels. Those gifts of great value are becoming apparent to me more and more each day as I move through the process of letting go of that dream.
This process of renewal is still unfolding and I'm not sure where the road will lead because I'm still searching for that new map. But now I know that until I find a new direction I already have all the resources I need to create a new dream.
Unfortunately it wasn't to be. I was devastated to get the phone call telling me I was their "second choice". All the sudden, stranded by the side of the road with no map, I wondered how I was going to get to the destination I know is on the horizon. I've been leaning on those gurus, guides and girlfriends I've written about before and learning a lot from this unexpected growth opportunity.
Here are just a few of the things I've figured out so far:
1) The true essence of who I am has not changed a bit from this loss. No loss can take that away from me. Whether you call that God, Spirit or whatever it is the unchangeable core of who we all are.
2) Organizations need leaders with real heart who know what loss feels like. Especially community organizations that serve people in times of need. Loss can create empathy for others and that is a valuable gift to offer the world.
3) When your world cracks open you eventually discover the jewels. Those gifts of great value are becoming apparent to me more and more each day as I move through the process of letting go of that dream.
This process of renewal is still unfolding and I'm not sure where the road will lead because I'm still searching for that new map. But now I know that until I find a new direction I already have all the resources I need to create a new dream.
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About Me
- Jill Boullion
- Houston, TX, United States
- I've led a lot and followed plenty of times, too. All these experiences have given me some interesting perspective into what makes someone a leader worth following. And what constitutes ethical leadership? We usually can smell it when's it not, so let's find the examples in the world of people leading in an ethical and authentic way! My passion is community leadership but I think the lessons of leadership transcend place and specifics. I'd love to hear what you think about leadership!