Your Leadership Shirt: Wool or Silk?

As August winds down and we start yearning for the more moderate weather of early fall my thoughts have turned to the leadership roles we play and how they could be compared to different kinds of clothing. But first is the acknowledgment that the activities and efforts that we categorize as "leadership" are just that: roles. Whether you are President of the United States, CEO of a Fortune 500 company or Den Leader of your son's Cub Scout pack that is just a part you have agreed to play for a certain period of time. My question: how closely identified with that role are you?

Here in Houston we don't wear much wool, even in the coldest winter months. It is a heavier, denser fiber and can be itchy. At one point in my life wearing wool even caused me to break out in hives! On the other hand, silk, also a natural fiber that "breathes", is lighter and softer on the skin.

Think of those two fibers as different ways of wearing your leadership roles, your command clothes so to speak! When we let ourselves become overly identified with a role, taking it and ourselves too seriously, over time it will get heavy, dense and probably even itchy. When we are wearing that heavy wool leadership suit we are too insulated from those we are leading (and serving). We get too involved in our own perception of ourselves and we start to cling to the role because we've become overly identified with it. The expectations we put on ourselves (though we usually blame others for having the expectations) become burdensome and we get even itchier! Not a pleasant, or effective way to lead, and certainly no way to go through life.

What if we viewed our leadership role as a silk suit instead? Delicate, light and easy to wear. So lightweight, in fact, that we hardly feel the pressure of it at all. It doesn't feel like acting, it feels like us! We are free to move and breathe and to relax into the role knowing that it doesn't define us and that we will wear it only as long as it is for the highest good of all. Though light in weight silk can still keep a person warm. And a leadership role, approached with the right intention, can also be a warming light to all.

So, silk or wool? You decide... but I'm no fan of scratching so I'll take silk.

Baby You Get to Go a Long Way

My vacation from the news was quite successful during our ten day trip across the Midwest visiting some friends and family. The first few days it was hard to let go of email and Facebook but then my grip on my iPhone gradually loosened a bit as I relaxed into being present with loved ones. It helped my perspective to know that the world just keeps turning and the sky doesn't fall!

Certainly the highlight of our excursion was meeting our new, 6-week-old granddaughter, Tess. Nothing takes you back to the power and source of life like the birth of a new human. Holding her was a wonderful reminder of the perfection and wholeness at the center of everything. Babies, despite their apparent helplessness, seem so wise and cognizant. Wherever she had come from she was starting something new full of promise and possibility.

Being with her reminded me that we start over many times in life. We tend to struggle against the difficulties and learning that come with something new, but those challenges are nothing compared to what a baby encounters upon leaving the womb! To be so physically helpless, so dependent on others and yet so open to growth and change.... what a model for life. Every new endeavor of worth involves a time of learning new things and feeling frustrated that we can't just make it instantly "perfect". And why are we so afraid to admit to others that we don't have all the answers or that we need guidance?

There are some significant areas in my life right now where I am definitely starting over, or at least it feels like it. I'm grateful to have attracted a large number of really supportive people to help me make those transitions. Sometimes I wonder what it is that I don't know or what new surprise is coming around the corner. In these arenas I'm not leading, at least not the way I've been accustomed to before.

I am trying to be true to myself, learn the lessons that are put in my path, and keep remembering that I already accomplished the hardest change in my life many, many years ago. Thanks, Tess, for the reminder.

Take a "News-Cation"

I'm about to take a bit of a vacation starting tomorrow. Well deserved, if I do say so myself! I'm looking forward to a change of scenery and watching the world go by outside my car window. Yes, it's a road trip and not a short one. We're off to visit friends and family, including a new godling that came into this world just over a month ago. There's something about a vacation, even if it's eating cheetos and drinking Dr. Pepper in the front seat of a car driving down our highways and byways. It's a way to get a bigger and fresher perspective on what's really important. You know, that authentic life we sometimes get too busy to uncover.

And, here's another thing I'm planning on this trip and I highly recommend it to you: I'm taking a vacation from the "news" while I'm away. Sure, I might check in with The Weather Channel to make sure the old homestead isn't threatened by any tropical weather while I am away, but that's it. No CNN, no NYtimes.com, not even Yahoo News! I'll even try to take a break from Facebook. I've done it before so I know I'm capable. I can resist!

What I'll discover is that what passes for "news" usually really isn't. It's stuff that happened to someone, somewhere, and sometimes it's sad or tragic, but it's just life. Mostly it's people talking. Voicing their opinions and thoughts. And what happens is I can get all wrapped up in their talking and forget to listen to the voice inside me. The one that can't compete with all the external noise of life and only gets loud in the middle of the night and keeps me awake (which is really annoying!).

I'm looking forward to checking in with that voice during daylight hours while the American miles pass outside my window. Perhaps I'll even stop along the road and listen to the swoosh of the wind through a wheat field and remember how that sound fueled my girlhood dreams. I'll listen to robin song, baby's heart beating, the laughter of loved ones and the music of my choice. I'll forget all the noise of cynicism  and remember that I can turn it off whenever & where ever I want to.

Ah, it's going to be a great vacation. I can already hear it.

A Personal Revolution

Last week I blogged about Independence Day and, specifically, the Declaration of Independence which was ratified on July 4th, 1776 by the Continental Congress of the United State of America. I was writing about how a decision of that nature sets all sorts of changes into action. I consequently had the opportunity to watch a wonderful multi-hour series on The History Channel over the July 4th weekend that went into some detail about the birth of America and the War of Independence. It's been many, many years since I took American History and I believe we all tend to look back at that period and make note of certain historical figures and battles. What I have forgotten in all these years is the long period of time not only leading up to the ratification of the declaration but the long, long war following and then the long span of time before an actual treaty was signed and our country was recognized by other nations. And we rarely remember or consider those citizens who identified or fought with the British, including slaves! It was in many places a civil war, neighbor against neighbor.

Besides those obvious leadership lessons we can draw from the examples of Washington, Jefferson, Adams and the many other patriots that founded this country my thoughts go to the sheer stretch of time that was required for this great upheaval to unfold. Certainly it was not an era of cell phones, text messages and all manner of instant communication so the expectation of how things should happen allowed for more time. Even so, I think we can benefit from taking a more leisurely view of change and change management.  We should remember that there is a time to push and agitate and then there is a time to allow things to unfold and come to us.

How prepared are you to put in the necessary effort and, yes, necessary time to make a big change in your life? And can you stay the course knowing that it may look or feel like nothing much is happening? Our forefathers (and mothers) knew so much about delayed gratification and the benefit of putting in the necessary time and effort for a worthwhile cause. What worthwhile cause in your life is calling you to make that kind of effort? Maybe it's something truly revolutionary!

Celebrate Your Independence!

This weekend we celebrate our declaration of independence made in 1776 and what that day meant at the time and into the future for the newly declared United States of America. It's incredible what our forefathers accomplished by speaking (or writing) this declaration. They set forth something new into consciousness. An ideal that has captured the world's imagination and continues to do so.

We can all declare our own independence, every day, no matter what outer circumstance may appear to be. One declaration that I will make this year is to remember that I have a choice about what I feel about or how to interpret everything in my life. I can choose to call it "bad or wrong" or I can decide to call it "different or challenging". How I interpret and name my experience is what creates the next experience. I can choose to be grateful for my life and call it all GOOD!

Honor Your Father

Our cultural perceptions and expectations of fatherhood have changed a great deal from my childhood. Fathers used to be expected to support the family financially while only taking on a peripheral role in the emotional life of their wife and children. I'm very grateful for the evolution in fatherhood I've seen in my own family and in our society. An open, loving and emotionally available dad is now accepted as the ideal by many and dads get to share a lot more with their children.

As we approach Father's Day I've been thinking of the lessons that my father has taught me about living my life fully and joyfully. Many studies point to a direct relationship between a present, loving father and a woman who is successful as an adult. I am grateful and fortunate to be in that category.

So, what are some of the life and leadership lessons I learned from my dad? One thing I learned was the power of storytelling. Dad's can tell the best stories, the tallest tales and the longest yarns and my dad was no different. Whether it was his childhood memories, historical tales of people and places long gone or the science behind the most mundane or magical, he kept us amused on long car trips and camp outs. He's still a great storyteller as he talks about the places he and my mom have recently traveled, people they've met or a battlefield they've visited. Stories capture our attention and have the power to bring us together. An effective leader learns how to use stories to create a shared vision and direction.

The other leadership lessons from my dad were the gifts of high expectation and unconditional support. Entering my freshman year in high school I was selected at try-outs as a junior varsity cheerleader. It was a great year, but one of my friends and classmates was not selected. As try-outs approached for the next year she would come to my house and we'd practice nearly every day. I felt no reluctance in teaching her what I knew. When the day came for try-outs and the evening hours ticked by making it obvious I had not made the squad I was destroyed as only a 15-year-old girl can be. I remember feeling surprised that it was my dad who braved my dark, tear-stained bedroom instead of mom. But he obviously knew exactly what to say because the lesson sticks with me even today. He told me that "the cream always rises to the top". He expected me to hold my head high and try again the next year. He let me know I could be successful in that endeavor and anything else I set out to accomplish. He was right. I did make cheerleader both my junior and senior years. I've stumbled and failed many other times in my life, but its never stopped me from trying again. Because he expected great things I do, too.

If you don't have the gift of your father in your life I hope you'll spend some time this weekend remembering how his impact has shaped you. Or perhaps the fatherly lessons have been imparted by someone you didn't call "dad". Maybe it was a stepfather, grandfather, uncle or brother. Perhaps an amazing boss, a minister or counselor. Honor those lessons no matter where they came from. And if you are a father consider the example and the lessons you provide daily. Happy Father's Day!

Funny Thing About Insecurity

I just had to share this email that came this week from Tut.com (Notes from the Universe) about insecurity:

Insecurity is the greatest social piranha in the pool of human existence. Yet discovering that no matter what anyone else thinks, you can still choose your own thoughts, manifest your own things, and live happily ever after is like wearing underwater, titanium body armor in your favorite color, with built-in rabbit ear slippers and a ghetto-like hoodie.

First of all the visual image that came to mind makes me giggle every time I read it. Secondly, and most importantly, it is spot-on true! I have known more people derailed from happiness, joy and success because of insecurity. Perhaps it's an old recording that they play in their heads from childhood about unworthiness or something that was said about them in the heat of an argument. Whatever it is, that thought that keeps popping up is ruining their life! I know there's been plenty of those thoughts show up for me over the years. Its well worth the work to learn how to identify them, see them for what they are and release them. Besides I really like the idea of underwater, titanium body armor. Make mine red, please!