Do you REALLY talk the talk?

As we grow into our leadership roles we often learn, mostly from the school of hard knocks, that what we say and how we say it are both important. How often can bad execution, poor teamwork and missed opportunities be traced back to poor or imprecise use of language? Probably more than we'd like to admit.

No doubt leadership is a combination of "talking the talk" and "walking the walk" and one should be in integrity with the other. We may take a great deal of care in the words we use in a presentation, speech or meeting with the media but how often do we look carefully at the words we are using in every day conversation with our teams? Are you using words that empower or words that dismiss? Are your words closing off choice for others when that isn't what you intend to do?

Two words that are so commonly used in our culture that we rarely think of the impact they have are "want" and "need". Wanting and needing are words describing a lack of something and are not necessarily a powerful way to create what you are wanting and needing! I've gravitated towards the word "prefer" when I am communicating to others what I'd like to see happen. Prefer does leave room for the person you are speaking with to voice a different preference so if a stronger stance is what you are going for just say "Please do (fill in the blank) for me." Even better....specify when you would like this task to be accomplished by. This is clear and unambiguous.

Telling someone what you prefer is much more empowering than want or need and is less likely to put others in a defensive stance if they feel they can not or will not meet your needs. I've also found the requests "would you consider?" or "are you open to?" to be much more likely to lead to an affirmative answer because they are much less threatening ways to ask for something you prefer. They also make it much easier for someone to graciously say "not at this time" which is better than "no" or a "yes" when they really wanted to say "no".

The way we communicate our thoughts and desires can directly lead to better outcomes and better experiences for ourselves and all those around us. Just an awareness of how you use language in your leadership roles can open you up to insights and growth.