In two days it will be the annual American Thanksgiving holiday and we'll gather with the part of our family that is most geographically desirable to celebrate. It's a bonus that those relatives just happen to be my parents and one of my brothers and his family. Two of my nephews are in the late-teen into college years and it feels nice that they still want to be with family on the holidays.
I really love Thanksgiving. Hands down it's my favorite holiday of the year. What a brilliant concept: to create a holiday centered around gratitude for the abundance we enjoy in our lives. My bank accounts and retirement holdings have taken a real beating this past year, but I still have so much. My career isn't exactly where I thought it would be today, but I still love what I do. My eyesight requires me to wear "readers" now for nearly everything, but I still can see all the faces of the people I love without them. For everything I've "lost" this past year there's been something equally profound and impactful that I've gained.
Food. Football. Family. Forgiveness. I'm grateful for a day to remember my blessings.
24 November 2009
17 November 2009
Empathy: The path toward understanding
The Random House Dictionary defines empathy this way:
"Intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another person".
We sometimes mix up "empathy" with "sympathy" and believe it means to feel sorry for or have pity on another person, but its really about the ability to see the world through the eyes of another. Walk a mile in the other guy's shoes. It's often noted that everyone is struggling with challenges of their own. Empathy starts us down the PATH toward being able to relate and find the place of common ground while we all deal with life's stuff.
I don't think empathy always comes naturally but we can make a choice to employ it. I believe its paramount in effective leadership and certainly effective salesmanship. It can be uncomfortable to put yourself in the place of another because when you do you realize that there's another way of seeing things. Maybe a different truth or another way of being right or correct.
Empathy can be a rocky path, but it makes everything else in life so much smoother.
"Intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another person".
We sometimes mix up "empathy" with "sympathy" and believe it means to feel sorry for or have pity on another person, but its really about the ability to see the world through the eyes of another. Walk a mile in the other guy's shoes. It's often noted that everyone is struggling with challenges of their own. Empathy starts us down the PATH toward being able to relate and find the place of common ground while we all deal with life's stuff.
I don't think empathy always comes naturally but we can make a choice to employ it. I believe its paramount in effective leadership and certainly effective salesmanship. It can be uncomfortable to put yourself in the place of another because when you do you realize that there's another way of seeing things. Maybe a different truth or another way of being right or correct.
Empathy can be a rocky path, but it makes everything else in life so much smoother.
13 November 2009
Thanks for Helping Me Grow as a Leader
It's been a busy week and I've not had much time for blogging but I couldn't let the week end without a dedicated blog of gratitude to a board of directors that I've served with for six years at the North Houston-Greenspoint Chamber of Commerce.
I came on the board early in 2004 as a replacement for a director who was unable to serve his term. The chair at that time impressed upon me how important it was for me to be dedicated in my attendance and my participation. I was a bit intimidated at first as the board was composed of many high level corporate and community leaders. I even wondered if I really had anything to offer to the group, but decided that they felt I did so I should show up and do my best! Though I had served on other boards before this one struck me as the most serious and impactful.
In 2005 I was approached to be a division Vice Chairman and serve on the Executive Committee of the board. Once again I had thoughts of "what can I possibly have to offer at this level?". I decided to take that original advice: show up and participate when and how it seemed appropriate. I started to learn that I did have value to offer. My perspective may have differed from others and it was part of honoring our diversity to share that perspective.
During my six years of service on this board we've gone through some extremely challenging times. Some of our board meetings were hard, long, stressful and kept me up at night. I wasn't even aware when I agreed to serve as the 2008 Chair how much we would all go through together. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" would be applicable here. But, we kept putting one foot in front of the other and can now look proudly at what we've helped our organization to accomplish and how we've positioned it for future growth and success.
So, as I complete my term as past chair and leave this group it is with proud feelings for what we've been through and accomplished, but mostly feelings of gratitude for the relationships we've created and the way those magnificent people helped me grow as a leader. I will never again doubt that I have something of value to bring to a group or situation. And I will never doubt that others bring their own unique perspectives and value as well. I am truly blessed to have had this experience.
I came on the board early in 2004 as a replacement for a director who was unable to serve his term. The chair at that time impressed upon me how important it was for me to be dedicated in my attendance and my participation. I was a bit intimidated at first as the board was composed of many high level corporate and community leaders. I even wondered if I really had anything to offer to the group, but decided that they felt I did so I should show up and do my best! Though I had served on other boards before this one struck me as the most serious and impactful.
In 2005 I was approached to be a division Vice Chairman and serve on the Executive Committee of the board. Once again I had thoughts of "what can I possibly have to offer at this level?". I decided to take that original advice: show up and participate when and how it seemed appropriate. I started to learn that I did have value to offer. My perspective may have differed from others and it was part of honoring our diversity to share that perspective.
During my six years of service on this board we've gone through some extremely challenging times. Some of our board meetings were hard, long, stressful and kept me up at night. I wasn't even aware when I agreed to serve as the 2008 Chair how much we would all go through together. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" would be applicable here. But, we kept putting one foot in front of the other and can now look proudly at what we've helped our organization to accomplish and how we've positioned it for future growth and success.
So, as I complete my term as past chair and leave this group it is with proud feelings for what we've been through and accomplished, but mostly feelings of gratitude for the relationships we've created and the way those magnificent people helped me grow as a leader. I will never again doubt that I have something of value to bring to a group or situation. And I will never doubt that others bring their own unique perspectives and value as well. I am truly blessed to have had this experience.
06 November 2009
Defining Success
My mother emailed awhile back and mentioned that she and my father considered their lives to be successful because they had raised three children into contributing adults who had also grown up to be friends with each other and their parents. That sounds easy but anyone who's gone through the process of child rearing knows that it is anything but. So my congratulations, mom and dad.
Growing up I often thought success somehow involved getting your name known by millions of people. Granted this was before cable tv, the internet, YouTube and "America's Most Wanted" made it so easy to have your name know by millions of people that anyone can be famous just for being ubiquitous or bad. I dreamed of being a writer, a novelist, and being well-known was my signpost of success.
Life experience has given me the opportunity to redefine what success means for me. I haven't become a novelist, but I did realize that the ability to express my thoughts in writing could take me other places! So, what does success look like for me at this time in my life?
Growing up I often thought success somehow involved getting your name known by millions of people. Granted this was before cable tv, the internet, YouTube and "America's Most Wanted" made it so easy to have your name know by millions of people that anyone can be famous just for being ubiquitous or bad. I dreamed of being a writer, a novelist, and being well-known was my signpost of success.
Life experience has given me the opportunity to redefine what success means for me. I haven't become a novelist, but I did realize that the ability to express my thoughts in writing could take me other places! So, what does success look like for me at this time in my life?
- A marriage that has lasted over 25 years, even as we worked side-by-side in two businesses together.
- Good relationships with my family, and my family by marriage, including stepdaughters.
- A personally significant spiritual life.
- Activities that have a positive impact on my local community, the global community, the human family.
- A career that has allowed me an immense amount of personal growth and the opportunity to work with people from all walks of life.
- Deep and meaningful friendships.
- Continued curiosity and openness to new experiences.
03 November 2009
My Truth is Better Than Your Truth
"More than one thing can be true in a given situation."
I'd like to be able to attribute this quote but the source I read it on didn't, so I'll just chalk it up to an unknown person of great wisdom.
More than one thing can be true in a given situation.
That's certainly a mind-opening thought since we naturally see things from our viewpoint and can have a hard time being open to the possibilities of truths other than our own. We also look at true vs. false as an either/or choice. Black/white, right/wrong. A good litigator surely learns early on that every person involved in a court case has their version of what really happened. Their own truth.
The hard part is making space for someone else's viewpoint of a situation and not judging or comparing their "truth" against yours. If you have siblings, as I do, you may find their stories of family life growing up are completely different than your memories. Science tells us now that memory is very malleable. Add that to the lense we view life through and it becomes easier to accept that there might be more than one truth in a given situation.
I'd like to be able to attribute this quote but the source I read it on didn't, so I'll just chalk it up to an unknown person of great wisdom.
More than one thing can be true in a given situation.
That's certainly a mind-opening thought since we naturally see things from our viewpoint and can have a hard time being open to the possibilities of truths other than our own. We also look at true vs. false as an either/or choice. Black/white, right/wrong. A good litigator surely learns early on that every person involved in a court case has their version of what really happened. Their own truth.
The hard part is making space for someone else's viewpoint of a situation and not judging or comparing their "truth" against yours. If you have siblings, as I do, you may find their stories of family life growing up are completely different than your memories. Science tells us now that memory is very malleable. Add that to the lense we view life through and it becomes easier to accept that there might be more than one truth in a given situation.
02 November 2009
Notes of Gratitude
Organizing some paperwork on my desk this morning I came across two handwritten notes I received recently in the mail. Both are from young women who I have unofficially mentored. Both were notes thanking me for the impact that I've had on their lives. There's no way I could throw those notes away. They are now tucked away in a drawer where I know I will come across them again in the future. At the perfect time, no doubt, when I really need a reminder of all that is good.
A great way to start a new work week.... a reminder that the encouragement, modeling, support and leadership we provide to others really does matter.
A great way to start a new work week.... a reminder that the encouragement, modeling, support and leadership we provide to others really does matter.
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About Me
- Jill Boullion
- Houston, TX, United States
- I've led a lot and followed plenty of times, too. All these experiences have given me some interesting perspective into what makes someone a leader worth following. And what constitutes ethical leadership? We usually can smell it when's it not, so let's find the examples in the world of people leading in an ethical and authentic way! My passion is community leadership but I think the lessons of leadership transcend place and specifics. I'd love to hear what you think about leadership!