Don't Make Assumptions: Leadership Agreement #3

The last few weeks have been extremely busy for me and I've had countless opportunities to practice the first two agreements: Be impeccable with your word and Don't take anything personally! I've had the opportunity to experience the drama of others without letting myself absorb the drama and make it my own. When we can observe the drama that others create that is a good way to "not take anything personally". Now, not everything has gone smoothly during this busy time. There's been stress that has come out when I'm with those closest too me because that is often where we allow communication to break down: in our closest circles. Always something to work on improving!

But here we are ready to see how the third agreement works to make us better leaders!

Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.

I think this agreement might be the one that is genetically most difficult for me. As a child I remember being afraid to go to the corner store next to the elementary school by myself and buy candy. I was afraid to ask for what I really wanted. I'm also the oldest child in my family which, for me, meant some pressure to be responsible and do well in school and in life (not that I haven't acted out or rebelled a few times along the way). I knew that I would have to move away from my family of birth and the home of my childhood to have a chance of true success, but it's still a struggle to be able to "communicate clearly."

So where does this agreement come into play as we fulfill our roles as leaders? So often leaders assume that those they represent or that follow them think and feel about things the same way we do. How often do we ask those in the organizations we lead what they really want out of their involvement? Do we have the courage to learn that they don't see things the same way we do?

Making assumptions more often than not leads to misunderstandings and less then desirable results. It feels easy to make a million little assumptions as we go through a process because it creates the feeling of accord and understanding. But something will always occur, count on it, to illuminate the error of our assumptions. Sometimes it is something small that can be easily talked through. Sometimes it will something so major that relationships will be irreparably damaged and lives profoundly changed. That is why Ruiz states that you can completely transform your life by utilizing this one agreement. Think of that next time you assume you know how someone else thinks of feels.