Now that we've had a few days of practicing being impeccable with our word (does it count when talking to your cats?) let's move on to the next of Don Miguel Ruiz's "Agreements". He should have left this one for last, because it is a killer:
Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own inner reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Is he KIDDING? How much stuff in life DON'T we take personally? I mean, it's all about me, right? Center of the Universe and all that. It's hard enough not to take it personally when someone cuts us off in traffic and we don't even know the other driver!! But, he's talking about not taking anything personally, from anyone at all.
And what about the things I really want to take personally? You know, when other people tell you how fabulous, talented, generous and gorgeous you are? He's not talking about that, too? Yeah, I think he is.
I'll admit since reading those earth shattering words some ten years ago this one has taken time to soak in and really make sense. But, no truer words were ever written: "when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering". And when you are in any kind of leadership position there are a lot of opinions and actions that seem to be about you. The power comes in realizing that it really isn't about you. It's about the expectations, assumptions, ideas and beliefs held in the mind of another person. A mind that you know nothing about. Doing things for reasons that are never about you.
I'd advise letting this agreement sink in over time. And then next time someone does something that totally baffles or aggravates you stop and just say to yourself "this isn't about me". Next time someone compliments you for something you've said or done say "thank you" and then say to yourself "but, this isn't about me".
This is BIG! Let me know how you are doing with Agreement #2!
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About Me
- Jill Boullion
- Houston, TX, United States
- I've led a lot and followed plenty of times, too. All these experiences have given me some interesting perspective into what makes someone a leader worth following. And what constitutes ethical leadership? We usually can smell it when's it not, so let's find the examples in the world of people leading in an ethical and authentic way! My passion is community leadership but I think the lessons of leadership transcend place and specifics. I'd love to hear what you think about leadership!
I found that when I 'don't take it personally', I am better able to listen to my own thoughts, which are totally independent/unconnected of others anyhow .... Now, where's that morning coffee!
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