Honor Your Father

Our cultural perceptions and expectations of fatherhood have changed a great deal from my childhood. Fathers used to be expected to support the family financially while only taking on a peripheral role in the emotional life of their wife and children. I'm very grateful for the evolution in fatherhood I've seen in my own family and in our society. An open, loving and emotionally available dad is now accepted as the ideal by many and dads get to share a lot more with their children.

As we approach Father's Day I've been thinking of the lessons that my father has taught me about living my life fully and joyfully. Many studies point to a direct relationship between a present, loving father and a woman who is successful as an adult. I am grateful and fortunate to be in that category.

So, what are some of the life and leadership lessons I learned from my dad? One thing I learned was the power of storytelling. Dad's can tell the best stories, the tallest tales and the longest yarns and my dad was no different. Whether it was his childhood memories, historical tales of people and places long gone or the science behind the most mundane or magical, he kept us amused on long car trips and camp outs. He's still a great storyteller as he talks about the places he and my mom have recently traveled, people they've met or a battlefield they've visited. Stories capture our attention and have the power to bring us together. An effective leader learns how to use stories to create a shared vision and direction.

The other leadership lessons from my dad were the gifts of high expectation and unconditional support. Entering my freshman year in high school I was selected at try-outs as a junior varsity cheerleader. It was a great year, but one of my friends and classmates was not selected. As try-outs approached for the next year she would come to my house and we'd practice nearly every day. I felt no reluctance in teaching her what I knew. When the day came for try-outs and the evening hours ticked by making it obvious I had not made the squad I was destroyed as only a 15-year-old girl can be. I remember feeling surprised that it was my dad who braved my dark, tear-stained bedroom instead of mom. But he obviously knew exactly what to say because the lesson sticks with me even today. He told me that "the cream always rises to the top". He expected me to hold my head high and try again the next year. He let me know I could be successful in that endeavor and anything else I set out to accomplish. He was right. I did make cheerleader both my junior and senior years. I've stumbled and failed many other times in my life, but its never stopped me from trying again. Because he expected great things I do, too.

If you don't have the gift of your father in your life I hope you'll spend some time this weekend remembering how his impact has shaped you. Or perhaps the fatherly lessons have been imparted by someone you didn't call "dad". Maybe it was a stepfather, grandfather, uncle or brother. Perhaps an amazing boss, a minister or counselor. Honor those lessons no matter where they came from. And if you are a father consider the example and the lessons you provide daily. Happy Father's Day!

Funny Thing About Insecurity

I just had to share this email that came this week from Tut.com (Notes from the Universe) about insecurity:

Insecurity is the greatest social piranha in the pool of human existence. Yet discovering that no matter what anyone else thinks, you can still choose your own thoughts, manifest your own things, and live happily ever after is like wearing underwater, titanium body armor in your favorite color, with built-in rabbit ear slippers and a ghetto-like hoodie.

First of all the visual image that came to mind makes me giggle every time I read it. Secondly, and most importantly, it is spot-on true! I have known more people derailed from happiness, joy and success because of insecurity. Perhaps it's an old recording that they play in their heads from childhood about unworthiness or something that was said about them in the heat of an argument. Whatever it is, that thought that keeps popping up is ruining their life! I know there's been plenty of those thoughts show up for me over the years. Its well worth the work to learn how to identify them, see them for what they are and release them. Besides I really like the idea of underwater, titanium body armor. Make mine red, please!

Notice the Energy

It's been proven scientifically that we are all made of energetically charged particles. Our cells, the atoms that make them and the smaller particles that create the atoms are all mostly space held together with energy. That is my very unscientific, lay interpretation anyway. But, we all instinctively know this to be true because we pick up energetic signals from each other all the time. We sometimes refer to people as "energy vampires" when we feel that being around them just drains us. Some people rev us up every time we cross paths... they just seem to vibrate at a very high frequency. And then some people can calm a room just by walking in the door. Are you conscious of the energetic vibration that you emit?

I have the great fortune to work with lots of different, diverse groups at the same time and thus get to observe how people influence each other energetically. One of the volunteer committees that I'm working with right now has developed this wonderful sparkling energy. The leader of the group has put his stamp on it by being fully present and open to the collaborative efforts and everyone has picked up on that and you can feel the excitement. Each meeting brings new, fun ideas and we keep attracting new committee members who want to play with us. I know the event will be successful because the good energy we've developed will attract sponsors and participants.

Unfortunately I've also observed people in leadership positions who didn't understand how their energy influenced a group. And the group can be large: hundreds and even thousands of people or more. A woman I once knew in a leadership position was unable to find a way to be truly interested in the people under her influence. She spent all her energy on a few key people but was not willing to give that same consideration to others. She was an energy miser. It wasn't long before "the masses" got very unhappy with her leadership and even those at the top couldn't ignore it. Perhaps she was just unsuited to a leadership position of that magnitude. A lot of energy is required to lead a large organization.

Spend some time watching how people around you exchange energy. Are they contributing or contaminating, abusing or attracting? There's a lot going on in all those spaces between the atoms!